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I Am Scared Of Good Things

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I am scared of good things because bad things feel more relatable. If I post about being depressed, there’s a retweet. There’s an understanding. There’s a nodding head. A same. A she gets it.Β 

If I write about the good things, someone says I am lucky. Someone says I have been dealt a good card. Someone laughs. Someone reads my positivity and waits for the avalanche. For the good to decay.

Maybe this is all me. Maybe I am obsessed with thinking people think about me when I’m not even a passing thought. Maybe this is my toxic combo of self-loathing and narcissism. (Yes, gentle viewers, that’s a thing!)

I am scared of good things because good things do not last. And I know this. And I am trying to make peace with it. I do yoga, or whatever. I imagine someone making fun of the fact that I just said, “I do yoga.” That’s okay though.

Bad makes sense to me. Bad feels more human. Good followed by good followed by more good is foreign. How do I process it? And am I ungrateful for being scared?

I told my mom I have a deep-seated fear that people look at me, look at things that have happened in my life, and either a) don’t get it or b) are mad.

Why me? is a sentence I think a lot. But I think it about the good. When opportunities appear. When people hand me golden apples and I’m not sure I even deserve a seed.

I am scared of good things because I don’t want to celebrate without my dad.

I don’t want to admit life can still be good if he’s not here. TC mark

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Poetry Lovers! πŸ’–

Love a soft person. The ones who are positive, even in the worst of circumstances. Someone whose strength is not in bravado, but in their quiet. Someone who is strong for others because that is what is needed in that moment. Someone who is the moon that soothes instead of the sun that burns. Someone who sees the very best in people even when you think they aren’t worth it. The kind of person who always wants to do the best for those they love.

β€œI bought this on a whim to read as I was resting for the night, and I do not regret it one bit! Everything about the poetry in this book is amazing, heart breaking, and soul searching. It will lift your spirits on your darkest days. I want to thank the author so much for writing this, as it’s something I will be rereading a lot! Always remember, everything about you is important. You matter.” β€”McKayla

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