Thought Catalog

This Is How You Can Steal *Anything*

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Producer’s note: We do not condone breaking laws. I will direct you to this for further information.
Photo provided by Jonathan Gaurano
Photo provided by Jonathan Gaurano

Sometimes you’re in a situation where you need to steal something. You can call it immoral, a low point, or desperation. Regardless of what you call it, you have to understand that there are moments where the only option you have… is to steal. Personally, it can be survival at its very best, my friends!

1. Don’t Steal Anything You Cannot Afford

This may be counter-intuitive to the reason why you’re stealing something. However, this rule is very important because there could be moments where you’ll be approached by security during your act. It is in these situations that you can blame it on being stupidly absentminded and then with wondrous grace, walk up to the cashier to pay for these “almost stolen” items.

2. Don’t Act Suspicious

If you walk into any place wearing a hoodie, looking worn down, or acting suspicious, you will be caught. There is a saying, “whatever you think will happen, will happen.” Basically, if you think other people are watching you stealing something, they probably know you are stealing something. This is because your body will move and act in conjunction with your subconscious.

Act as you would if you were shopping for any item. This means you should talk to the employees, get help from the manager, or just simply mind your own business putting things in your hands, bags, or carts.

This rule also applies if you’re stealing something in a public area: move fast and act normal. This is a tacit that many robbers in foreign countries use: they’re so good that they unconditionally move swiftly and rob you in crowded areas.

The reason why victims don’t know they’re being robbed is because these foreign thieves don’t act suspicious: they’re friendly and they’re robbing people like it’s a normal event… out of habit.

3. Don’t Let The Right Hand Know What The Left Hand Is Doing

The CEO of Nasty Gal, Sophia Amoruso, famously made this move public. Here is the step-by-step play of completing this move:

  • grab the items you want to steal and put them in your left hand. These items are usually the most expensive of the group.
  • grab the cheap items you want to purchase and put them in your right hand.
  • when you walk up to the cashier, put the right-handed items on the counter and leave your left-handed below the counter. Pay with your right hand and no one will be the wiser as cashiers rarely make an effort to see what you’re carrying in your left hand.

The reason why this move is amazing is because the cameras will think you’re paying for all the items, which means you’re less likely to get approached by security personnel in the long run.

4. Bring Your Own Shopping Bag

This rule implies mostly with grocery stores. When you enter into the market, the first thing you should do is walk up to an empty cashier lane and quickly grab a few shopping bags. Throw these shopping bags in your cart and continue strolling through the aisles.

I’m going to warn you to ALWAYS BE AWARE OF THE CAMERAS. After you put things into your cart, turn your back from these cameras and start putting your groceries into these plastic bags. Then, when you decide to leave the store, you can walk through the exit without anyone being the wiser.

5. Take Off The Tags

This is especially true from bookstores (Barnes N’ Noble) and clothing stores. These places always have sensors and it’s best to tear them off before you leave. For example, if you’re stealing a belt, it’s best you wear the item and then tear the tag off before you leave the store. This is also applies to sweaters, shirts, pants, and socks. Another example, if you’re stealing a book, make sure to flip through the pages to find those little sensors before leaving the store.

6. Follow Your Gut

If at any moment you really feel like you’re going to get caught, then do your part and either leave or pay for the items. Don’t let your ego get in the way. Remember, your ego and your greed (too much of it) will get you caught.

7. Don’t Steal If You’re Famous

Winona Ryder, a celebrity, made this mistake so many years ago. If your face is known to the world, then it would be a very stupid move to steal anything because you’re always being watched somewhere when you walk into the public light.

8. Be Real With Yourself

Being a thief takes an enormous amount of skill. Some people are just not born with the talent. It’s like anything in life, some people are born with gifts and others not. If you think you ‘re in a category where you know you’ll be caught, then don’t push yourself. So, if you don’t have the talent, please know your limits and don’t make stealing apart of your life.

9. Don’t Steal From Mom & Pop Stores

This should be common sense, but you should be conscious not to steal from mom and pop (small) businesses because every dollar they make is very important to their livelihood. Big business like Walmart, Vons, Ralphs, Best Buy, or any other major story can afford your thievery. I understand that stealing could be seen as immoral, but there is always a moral code everyone should follow.

I hope this helps anyone and everyone who is in a situation where stealing is the only option one has to survive. Speaking of stealing, here is a funny little story about a thief who steals a mirror out of an act of desperation. TC mark

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