Can’t get over your ex? BASIC. Can’t stop thinking about your ex? PATHETIC. Can’t stop making your ex jealous with all the ways you have clearly moved on…FABULOUS. There are so many girls out there, or guys, crying over their ex when they could be playing the game to win. So you got dumped? Well, time to get over it, and here is how to make your ex jealous:
1. First things first, IGNORE!
The silent treatment has been around since the creation of time, and for good reason. No, you should not answer that creepy 2am I miss you babe text. I’m awake during the day too asshole, which clearly, you didn’t find time in to confess this longing. Also, I was your girlfriend, and in no way shape or form am i turning into your booty call. Voicemail bitch, I don’t f*ck with you.
The ninth wonder of the social media world. A great way to say, “hey look at my great life since you’ve been gone” without directly saying, “hey look how great i am now”. Selfie that shit up. Then make sure to add some good times out with friends, videos of laughter and other guys to your story. And DONT look at his story. Ever. Unless it is a series, then just look at the first two. He’ll be enraged as to why you didn’t continue, and deep down he will stress it was because you obviously lost interest in his boring ass life. BYE
3. The eventual response
Don’t go on ignoring forever, you have to at some point put some bait on the line. Start with a casual, hey, or maybe even a random reminiscent thought from the past, like ” just went to the vortex and ordered a skull crusher, and i’m crushed.” If you really wanna be ballsy, hit him with the old, ” sometimes, i miss ya…” make sure to add the drama with the “…” because nothing says i mean it like three consecutive period marks.
4. When you run into each other in public
Act like you barely recognize him. Even throw in a compliment! Trust me, it will make his blood boil to watch you walk away leaving him with no shit to talk to his friends, who just watched what a fool he is for letting you go, and as you walk away make sure to look back once more, but don’t wink or smile, just look at him with that sympathetic poor guy look. It will kill him.
5. Accept to hangout
It’s okay now to accept it. Go over his house, the one you used to basically live at, and walk in like you don’t know the place. Be dramatic as to how long its been. No “it feels like yesterday”. Don’t do that…just play it cool and let him cater to you. Then, after you rudely text over his talking or through episodes of friends, politely kiss him goodbye and say that you have to be up early. NO SEX. Unless you can handle it. And my guess is, if you’re reading this article, you can’t. Being emotional is not a good look. Keep it clean!
6. The friends
When you run into them, when he isn’t there, be extremely friendly. ” Omg it’s been too long, i miss you guys, you look so great!” But do not say a word about so and so. Just don’t. He’ll be in touch…trust me.
7. He gets a new girlfriend, don’t be jealous
You already know she is a rebound, but it still stings. Don’t let this jealous play fool you.
8. Play hard
Text him to meet up with him. And then leave him, preferably in the cold and pouring rain, but if the weather is decent, simply ditching him will do just fine. Flirting is the obvious next step, which calls for little effort on your side because by now I’m sure you’ve acquired some hot new boy toys. Use them up! Go out with them, post snap stories with them in it, really sell that shit. And again, ignore him to the fullest, make him think you have moved on.
9. Flirt with him
Yes, start sending him some snaps, and a bit of texting can occur. Make him hot for you all over again, and then yes, you can have sex with him. It’s going to be hard, ha, literally, but it’s going to feel great. And when you leave, leave something behind. Underwear, an entire outfit, socks, what the fuck ever. Just leave something, it will provide as a test later on as to whether he kept it for you. If he did, you know how he truly feels because he was obviously sentimentally planning on seeing you again, and again.
10. Tell him you are happy for him
He still has that pathetic whiny bitch girlfriend following him around.Try not to get too catty, but be confident. Tell him you are happy for him, and that you just want to be single for awhile. That being in a relationship was too much, and you want to focus on some personal goals right now and just have some fun. If the thought of you fucking the mass of meat in bars and clubs doesn’t skeeve him out and make his skin crawl, then you may be at a loss.