My Girlfriend Is A Pathological Liar And She Doesn’t Know I Have The Password To Her Email

I’m going to call her “Amy” because her actual name is quite unique and despite her being a total nut-job and my very soon-to-be EX-girlfriend I don’t want to out her actual identity.

Amy and I have been dating for a year and a half. We are both seniors at a small liberal arts college. We met about a month before we started dating in a foreign relations class. Amy was loud and opinionated but in an intoxicating way you can’t help but respect even if you vehemently disagree with what she’s saying. She’s charismatic. She’d make insane arguments and even if the professor poked holes in them she still came out looking intelligent.

It was a three-hour night class and there was a twenty minute break in the middle. One day she forgot her wallet as we all congregated at the coffee cart and I was behind her. I bought her coffee and we ended up talking for the rest of the break. The next week she sat next to me. The next week she bought me a new notebook, because mine looked “ratty.” She was overbearing. But at the time, I thought it was adorable.

When Amy and I started dating, she told me all sorts of things that sounded too fantastical to be true, but I believed them because who lies about that kind of stuff? She told me her dad had been a big finance guy and then he died and left her a bunch of money in a trust fund, it’s how she was paying for college. She told me he molested her and that her mom (who she lived with) was a functioning alcoholic. She told me she used to date someone from the cast of Gossip Girl when she used to live in New York. This, I’m sure was just to make me jealous but it was weird nonetheless.

I googled the name of the firm she said he was president of because to be president of a firm this large makes you a kind of celebrity, or at least someone who shows up when you google their name and the name of the firm. But Google didn’t return any results that were relevant. I googled her last name, looking for anything about her family — the story just seemed bizarre for a midwestern girl — but I couldn’t find anything. Finally I shrugged, maybe I got some of the details wrong or maybe she did, but she was a nice girl. It wasn’t a big deal.

While we were together I caught her in lots of lies. She told people we went on vacation to St. Tropez together when we (obviously) didn’t. I couldn’t afford something like that. When I confronted her about it she said she was just trying to make me look good to her friends, they were, apparently, concerned I wasn’t good enough for her. I heard her on the phone with the mechanic telling him that her “new” car was a 2008. She’d told me it was a 2012 (I’m not a car guy). This was a weird thing to lie about, did she think I was so shallow that I’d be impressed by a car that was a few grand more expensive?

About a month ago I was at a party and Amy was with a bunch of people, the center of attention, telling some big story. I was at the bar about fifteen feet away, sitting, waiting to go home. One of her friends came up and sat beside me and I think we both knew we wanted to talk. We were drunk enough that “drunk words/sober thoughts” was in effect and by now I’d caught her in enough lies that I really needed to know what the fuck was going on. I asked the friend about the lying, straight up, I said, “Does Amy lie to you a lot? About weird stuff?” The friend confirmed this and told me several stories (she seemed just as eager to get to the bottom of this as I was.” Amy had told her about six months ago that she had a pregnancy scare except that she had told her a year prior to that that she was sterile due to trauma from her teenage cancer (???). She knew she must be a pathological liar or something, but this girl loved Amy and I loved Amy, what was the point of lying to impress people when lying has the opposite affect and the people already are impressed by you?

Now, here’s where things get interesting. Since I had the talk with Amy’s friend I have figured out Amy’s email password. She would never tell me her email password but she did tell me her Twitter password because she was on the phone with me when she saw someone making fun of one of her tweets and she wanted me to login to her account and delete it because it wasn’t working when she was deleting it from the Twitter app and she wasn’t going to be home for awhile. The password was her mom’s cats name and the number “17.” I had been thinking about trying to sign into her email for a long time, because I knew I’d figure out if her larger story was fake or at least who the fuck “Amy” really was, but she was really diligent about signing out whenever she used my computer.

After I deleted the Tweet and got off the phone with her, I pulled Gmail up and typed in her email. I tried the Twitter password and it didn’t work — BUT — I then tried the name of the cat her mom had before the one she had now with the number “17”, bingo. I was in. I’m in right now, actually. I’ve been reading her emails for the last week, working my way through the archives. But here’s the big thing I found out: Amy is an absolute psycho. How do I know this? Because of this:

This is her dad. Her DAD. Who she told me was dead. Who she told me molested her. She doesn’t have a step dad. As far as I know (from what she was telling me the last year and a half) it’s just her and her mom. She has no other close relatives. Honestly, it was always weird that I didn’t know her family better considering how long we’d been dating, but it made sense due to her mom’s “alcoholism” (who knows if that was really true). I’d met her mom twice, when visiting Amy over breaks. We’d had a short conversation each time, but it was nothing out of the ordinary. Amy preferred to spend time visiting my family — we’d stayed with them together all of last Christmas break. In fact, we were supposed to have Thanksgiving with them this year, so I have no idea how she was also planning to have Thanksgiving with her mom and dad?

I also found emails between her and her boss. She never told me she had a job. I didn’t think she needed one because she had a trust fund. This is from the “sent” box:

I’m utterly bewildered by all of this. There was no point in lying about her dad, much less having a job. I have a job, almost everyone I know at this school has a job.

I’m not letting on about my discoveries yet. It’s been surprisingly easy since it’s so shocking, it’s almost not real anyway. I’ve been monitoring her actions all week. I’m not sure what I’m waiting for, it seems unlikely that there’s an even bigger lie to catch her in, but we’ll see. I guess nothing would surprise me at this point.

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