A Letter To My Boyfriend’s Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

orion_Katerina
orion_Katerina

First of all, fuck you, you crazy bitch.

Just stop. Don’t you see that you two are finished? And that he has happily moved on? Or is that what this is about, that he’s actually moved on to someone else while you haven’t? He told me he’s heard there have been a few guys in your apartment since him.

I don’t understand what you’re doing. I don’t understand why you are playing these games, this constant charade of pretending that he still belongs to you. This charade in which you think and act like you two are still a happy couple. Why do you still post pictures of him calling him your boyfriend? Why did you make a picture of you guys your profile picture on Facebook? And why is your banner picture a picture of just him on the beach? And why did you wish him a happy anniversary on your blog? He was with me that day; do you realize how stupid you look? You do realize he’s mine now, don’t you? Your actions are not only crazy, but also very inappropriate.

I hate to admit it, but your pathetic attempt at making me feel insecure in my own relationship did succeed for a while. We would fall apart every single time you post anything on social media that has to do with him. I was stalking your Twitter like it was my day job. I could feel an anxious knot tightening in my stomach, making me feel like I was suffocating, every time your page loaded on my phone. My anxiety becoming crippling as I waited for your next emotional attack on me, or us.

I started to question if I am the crazy one. If you two are actually still a couple and I am just the girl on the side. You seem to have perfect timing, posting about him when he isn’t physically with me; posting old pictures making them look like they are happening in real time. Why are you trying to ruin us, you crazy girl?

He tells me, constantly, that you are just insane, just trying to weaken what we have, trying to break us apart, he’s validating what I already know but am struggling with such difficulty to understand. I know this. I know he loves me, but you are playing on my mind more than my own relationship. You penetrate my every thought, instead of thinking about him I am thinking about you, thinking about you plotting your next big move.

I can’t understand why he still wanted to be friends with a monster like you. Why he still had to be civil with you, attend parties that he knows you would be at, why he still felt the need to have you in his life? Does he not see what you are doing to me, to us? You are horrible, what did he ever see in you?

Don’t you want him to be happy? Don’t you see that he is happy? I know for a fact that moving on is one of the most difficult things in the world, but seeing as your break up was considered mutual can’t you at least try to move forward? You loved him, I know you did, so don’t you want what’s best for him now?

My emotions are all over the place, I feel bad for you. You’re sad, you’re pathetic, and your nothing short of desperate attempt to break us makes you look like you need to be locked in the insane asylum, straight jacket, padded room and all. But I also hate you. A deep, seething hate, I hate you in a way that I have never hated anyone, what kind of person does what you are doing? Pathetic isn’t even a strong enough word to describe what you are. I want you to hurt. I hope that every time you look at my profile it stings, burns you, hurts you deeply. I will never let you see me break; never let you see what your games are actually doing to me.

But inside I am in a constant state of panic. I debate breaking up with him, calling it off, ending our happiness. He is my only link to you, so if I get rid of him I would get right of you as well, right? I want nothing more than to get rid of you. But I love him. Deeply. I think he’s “the one.” And I don’t want to end our relationship; I don’t want to give you that satisfaction. I don’t want to give you what you so desperately desire. I won’t let you win.

Finally, he makes the decision; he cut you from his life, entirely. He calls you; he tells you that you are doing is insane; he tells you that he no longer wants anything to do with you, that you can no longer even be friends. He deletes you off of every form of social media, his Snapchat, even your number right out of his phone. I bet that hurts, doesn’t it? I don’t know what you are trying to accomplish with your antics but all you’ve managed to accomplish is making the guy that once loved you now think less of you, hate you. You made him choose between us when you decided to start playing these games. A choice he never had to make before. And I am pleased to say he chose me, and he continues to choose me everyday by pretending you no longer exist. So you lost him. You lost him even more than you did when you two broke up. He really is gone this time. You lost him for good, girl.

So we lay in bed and we discuss just how crazy you are, we discuss how everything you do to try and break us only works the opposite way you want it to. We’ve permanently placed “crazy” in front of your name, it flows, it’s fitting. He holds me and he tells me how everything with me is different, and how he never saw forever with you the way he does with me, and how he’s glad what you had is over because of how you are acting now. He says he doesn’t even know who you are anymore, but he doesn’t want to. We bond over your crazy, we laugh together, we get through it together, and it makes us stronger.

Now I am going to ask you one more time, please just stop. Stop pretending there is something between you two when there isn’t anymore, stop trying to sabotage what we have, stop your games, stop your antics, stop this desperate charade. You are a desperate, pathetic, sad, immature child. My plan from this day forward is to ensure you know exactly what you are to us – irrelevant. I don’t expect you to like our relationship, but I do expect you to be respectful of it.

We are so good together, so happy, we have a genuine connection, real chemistry. One I can’t even begin to articulate. So let us be happy. Let him have what he wasn’t able to have with you, let him love again with no restraints, no hesitations, no worry of you trying to ruin it. I promise to love him, be there for him, and be the best girlfriend I could possibly be for him. Let him have that; let him be happy.

You will undoubtedly find love again. And maybe this time it will work out for you the way you had hoped it would with him. You deserve to be happy just as much as he does, so go find it, find your happiness. But stop trying to find by ruining ours. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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