1. He uses your past against you.
During the “getting to know each other stage” with our partner, we usually share some of our past, family, friends, adventures, work, and relationship histories—with my most recent ex, I shared everything! I am an open book to anyone I find myself comfortable talking to. Little did I know that too much honesty would bring me no good in a relationship. I told my ex about a man I dated several times in the span of one year but didn’t count as a relationship, since the man said he didn’t want to be tied up in a relationship. How did he use this against me? He formulated in his mind that I basically sleep around with men. Bullshit, isn’t it?
2. He thinks he can check your phone whenever he wants but won’t let you see his.
From day one, I had been nothing but open and honest to the ex; the very first day we met, I let him check my phone—social media profile, messages, etc. There were few times I tried checking his phone—not because I thought he was cheating, but merely because I wanted him to feel what it’s like when someone’s reading your private messages. I’d intentionally dig and ask the same questions he’d usually ask me. Of course he got upset and didn’t like me asking questions.
3. He insists you always tell him your location.
I was enjoying his attention and concern at first; I was very obedient sending photos and sharing my location when I was with friends, when I was about to hit the bed, when driving, when in church, when at work, and so and so forth…so when did it hit me that there was something odd about this?
When I realized that despite all the photos and location, he constantly called and sent messages checking who am I with and what am I doing and he got upset if I didn’t respond immediately. For Pete’s sake! When I have people around me, I pay so much respect to them that I don’t hold my phone during face-to-face conversations; that explains why I can’t attend to his calls/SMS immediately, and had I not sent photos and shared my location already?!
That’s when it hit me—it wasn’t just simply sharing photos and location; there was an underlying trust issue. I never gave him a reason to doubt me, but he was suspicious all the time. Even when I’d be working and didn’t get to pick up my office direct line, he would be upset and would ask me to explain what the fuck I’m doing in the office!
4. He counts what he spends but never what you spend.
It was a short-lived relationship—four months. And during that four months, I could have bought three Louis Vuitton bags and three pairs of Christian Louboutin shoes had I saved the money instead of spending it with him. This might not sound much for some, but for an average Jane like me, that’s a whole lot of money (this doesn’t include the money I spent in the salon, on clothing, makeup, lingerie, etc. all to present myself well to the ex). The thing was, I voluntarily spent as much as I could, but still he counted in my face every penny he spent on me. Whenever he did it, I just kept mum because I don’t see it as a mature gesture for me to enumerate hat I had paid for.
5. He thinks he’s doing you a favor just by being with you.
I’ve been in the UAE for seven years now—not to brag, but I’ve been to different places already, low/high-end restos/hotels/clubs/bars/pubs, off-road trips, name it. He was a newbie in Abu Dhabi when we started; what do you expect from a newbie? The desire to explore, of course! And that’s what we did—wined and dined everywhere we fancied! I felt great knowing I was with him experiencing his “firsts” here, so how does this become a sign that he is an asshole?
When we were having a real talk and he sarcastically claimed that he is “relatively rich.” What popped in my mind when I heard this was, “If you are, then why the hell do you count your pennies and demand that I spend?” Instead I simply asked, “and how does it benefit me?” His answer, “I take you to nice places, you get to eat steak and drink wine.” I swear to God, every drop of blood in me boiled with what I heard…but!…being a nice girlfriend avoiding argument, I just simply responded, “I have been doing the same even before you.” But he couldn’t be stopped. He said, “I’m not sure you have.” WTF!!! We eventually ended up arguing!
6. He’s always “turning the table” and blaming you.
If you experience this more often than not, chances are he’s a dick face!
7. He speaks ill of his mother.
If your man labels his mom “Bitch,” what the fuck do you expect from him—that he would call you his “Princess”? Dream on, ladies! It was over a dinner convo while we were talking about family. He was comparing his mom and dad on how they handle money and how his mom just gives away his collection of wine to their house guests. I was tongue-tied when he said, “She’s a bitch!” I told him, “You don’t speak to your mother like that,” and he took it wrong. He was expecting me to be on his side. I didn’t know what the true story was, but calling your mother a “Bitch” because she gives away your wine? Unacceptable!!!
So this, more or less, explains how he got the courage to strangle me once while we were in a fight. Should have I expected to be treated like a woman that I am, when he calls the woman who gave birth to him a “Bitch”? Hell, no! And this is why he easily tagged me as “Cunt” just five days ago (will get to that story some other time).