10 New Excuses For When Someone Asks You About That Hickey

You’re fresh into college when the night you’ve pictured long and hard arrives- you are about to experience your first college hook up. It’s just as messy and non-movie-esc as you’ve imagined, yet you feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment the next morning…that is, until you look in the mirror as you’re getting ready for your 8 am, and see one big ol’ giant hickey slapped onto your neck. For .02 seconds you actually believe “this is a look I can pull off”, but than it sinks in- your professor probably isn’t going to think your hickey is cute. The table of girls in the dining hall starring you down probably isn’t going to think your hickey is cute. And your roommate’s family who coincidently are coming to visit the following day? Well, they probably aren’t going to think your hickey is cute either!

News flash: Hickies can be cute. In fact, they can be absolutely adorable!

The key to a cute hickey is a great story to go with it. So, drop the old cliché “I burned myself with my straightening iron,” and get creative with your hickey excuses!

Your hickey could actually be…

1. A spider bite: If you receive a spider bite, doctors advise you to circle it with a pen to see whether or not it’s growing larger over time. Circle your hickey & tell people you’ve been attacked by the little 8-legged creature!

2. A bruise: You got into your first fight while you were in line for the keg, and you were punched in the neck. Impossible? I think not.

3. A test-trial: You’ve decided to minor in stage makeup and were testing how well you can recreate a hickey.

4. A stamp: Paying $5 at the door and getting an ‘x’ written on your hand is outdated. That purple/pinkish monster on your neck is a brand new ink stamp that tells the bouncers: “I paid. I partied. I conquered.”

5. A birthmark: “It runs in the family, my sister has one in the same exact spot!”

6. From paintballing: You got hit in the neck with a magenta paintball and now your skin is stained for a couple of days.

7. A temporary tattoo: It’s an abstract painting in temporary tattoo form.

8. Part of your belief system: You were raised in a household that believes in sadism. It’s customary you get hickeys for special holidays.

9. From a jellyfish: Not only will people feel bad for you, but they’ll ask if you need someone to pee on the part of your neck where you got “stung.” What a win!

10. The new blood sisters: Slicing your finger open with your best friend is done. Matching pinch marks = everlasting friendship.