Many things come unexpectedly, but I think that one thing that comes unwittingly to many of us is love. That feeling that rushes over you without warning, and though your head may tell you no, your heart screams at you to pay attention. Love can be sitting right in front of you with blinking lights, signs and arrows all around it. But we’re all too ignorant, stubborn, or in too much denial to notice. I never expected to fall in love with my best friend, but I’m so glad I did.
We all have that best friend who has always been there for you, even when you didn’t have to ask. You take him for granted at social events and parties, where he fills in for your date that couldn’t make it. He goes, simply happy to be there with you; you, too blind to notice that he’s perfect for you. He’s always just there, in the background, as you incessantly deny that he could possibly have feelings for you.
Outsiders assume that you’re dating, while friends and family tell you that you guys are eventually going to get married. But he just stands there idly on the sidelines as you date one jerk after another. He listens to you rant to your best girlfriends, and watches painfully as this new guy come into your life. Cringing every time this intruder kisses you on the head or grabs your hand in front of him. But your best friend always knows the right thing to say and the right way to act, so it just goes unnoticed to you. You’re blind towards his passion.
There comes this moment when everything you thought you knew is questioned. You want to be with him. Suddenly you notice his cute smile that erupts off of his face whenever he sees you. He knows you like the back of his hand as you begin to realize everything that you don’t know, or never cared to know. Everything that you now want to know.
Things slowly shift through an extremely cloudy and awkward phase. Extremely awkward. This is where you explore those boundaries that had previously never been touched by a ten-foot pole. The first night where you find yourself cuddled up next to his comfortable body, his hands quivering every second before he places them onto your soft skin. Both of you want something so badly, but neither of you want to make things awkward, which in turn makes everything unbearably awkward. But you care for him, an overwhelming amount, and so you lay there soaking up every drop of his uncomfortable feeling.
Eventually this phase comes to an end and whenever you’re together you look back and wonder how this never happened before. You wonder how you lived your life this long without him in it – without him in it like this. When you finally come out as a “romantic couple” your friends try to act surprised, though they saw it coming all along. There are some things you can’t deny, like unimaginable chemistry. I managed to deny it for years.
A feeling of happiness, mixed with desire, calmness and anxiety. You begin to freak out because you have never loved anyone this way. You have always loved him as your best friend, but never expected to be in love with him. Butterflies attack your stomach, while a grin stretches across you face. Your mind is constantly filled with him, no matter how hard you try to forgo these thoughts. I try to put into words how it feels to fall in love with your best friend, but I really can’t. Falling in love with your best friend is one of the most effortless, yet hardest things to do.
When those cherished words — “I Love You” — are eventually uttered, you find yourself wanting to declare your love all the time. You become that person that you always secretly hated. That girl who relishes PDA and always wants to talk about her boyfriend (GROSS).
At one moment you want to rush into everything, you want to dive into all these new feelings. Yet you realize that there is no need to rush, because he will be around for a while, like he always has, and there is time to explore, to learn, and to enjoy. There is this feeling of assurance and comfort. He has been and still is your best friend. You don’t treat him just like your boyfriend, you treat him as your best friend, because that’s always what he’ll be. Only difference is: now I don’t just love him; I’m in love with him.