16 Things To Remember After Getting Dumped Out Of The Blue

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Two-Disc Unrated Collector's Edition)
Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Two-Disc Unrated Collector’s Edition)

1. Crying is perfectly acceptable. In fact, if you don’t cry it out, you’re going to end up ripping off your barista’s head when they accidentally give you soymilk instead of skim. (Not that I ever did this myself. Ahem.) Same goes for yelling. Yell to your mom, your best friend, your teddy bear, and your steering wheel. Just let it out.

2. Taking a shower for an hour and forty-five minutes is also okay. Feel free to sit on the floor.

3. Ditto listening to angsty music from your early teenage years and ferociously drumming on the steering wheel. Every lyric absolutely applies to your situation. Carry on. (I’m looking at you, Fall Out Boy.)

4. Get all of his shit out of your room. And all the pictures of you two, and the little notes, and whatever else. Seriously, hide it from yourself. Its toxic.

5. Shut up about it after a couple weeks. You can only talk about it so much before your friends stop listening. Its not because they don’t love you, or don’t care, or are secretly sleeping with your ex – it’s because there’s only so much they can say. They can only tell you ‘its going to be okay’ and ‘yes sweetie, he is an asshole’ and ‘you deserve so much better’ before they want to start ripping their hair out.

6. However, your friends are more than willing to drag your ass out for margaritas and shenanigans at the drop of a hat. Go. Just don’t be the girl who talks about her ex the entire time. Change the subject, and have fun.

7. Unfortunately, your breakup does not mean he/all of your mutual friends will cease to exist. They are still on campus, at the bar, and on the Internet. Avoidance will only get you so far. Be the bigger person and say hello. You can always text all your friends about how much you hate him and his friends later, but infuriate them with your maturity (or something).

8. Alcohol will make you feel better for a while, until you see him at said bar and become the crying, irrational drunk girl that everyone hates.

9. Smashing things makes said crying, irrational drunk girl feel better. No prized possessions please. Think old beer bottles into a dumpster.

10. Having a one-night stand or two can be liberating and fun. It can also make you feel like a cheap whore the next day. Play at your own risk. But, there is something to be said for putting on your best short skirt and your lipstick, doing your hair, grabbing some girlfriends, and finding a boy to buy you drinks all night. Just think about it before you bring said boy home. (From one girl to another. Some of them suck.)

11. Your mom has always, and will always be right. Accept it now before its too late. She probably has a wonderful pep talk to give. Or thirty.

12. Channeling your frustration into other things is the most rewarding feeling in the world. Focus more on school. Start a new workout plan. Get a new job. My favorite quote: “The best revenge is massive success.” Its true. Get to it. And brag about it, you earned it. It will also sure as hell piss your ex off. Even better.

13. Sweatpants will not make you feel better. Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. Save them for your Netflix binge when you get home from work. If you are leaving the house, look fantastic. You WILL feel better.

14. It will be okay. (Eventually.)

15. Seriously. I wanted to punch every person in the face who said this to me at first, but its true. Every single day that goes by makes it easier. Every morning you wake up without a cute text message, and fall asleep by yourself in bed at night makes you stronger, and makes it hurt a little bit less. Despite all odds, and however much it may fucking suck at first, you are surviving. You are doing it. It doesn’t take a day, it doesn’t even take a week. (There’s some stupid rule about it taking a week for every month you were together or something, but honestly, it’s true.) But waking up one day and realizing you have been without him for a week or a month and the world hasn’t stopped turning is one of the best feelings I’ve had. People can tell you “you don’t need him” until they’re all blue in the face, but waking up one day and realizing its true is a wonderful thing.

16. Last one. Despite what his Facebook or Instagram or lack of communication with you may make you think, he misses you too. Nobody on earth can cut somebody out of their life at the drop of a hat and never look back. Take comfort in knowing that he probably isn’t okay either. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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