I Never Thought I’d Be Here: 17 Years Old, Homecoming Queen Two Years Running, And Sleeping With A Dad

I should have stopped when I saw the pain in her eyes.

Updated 12 years ago, September 29, 2013

I was about to be a senior in high school. I was 17 and full of life. Homecoming queen two years running, I was gifted with a charming and bubbly personality, I prided myself on being a genuine friend to everyone. I never thought of the consequences that could come from being friendly.

That summer I had just gotten out of a long relationship and was actually happy being single. I started hanging out with these guys I thought were cool, and smoking with them every day. Each day was a thrill with this group, finding ways to have fun in our small town. I was starting to build relationships with all the guys, but I didn’t think any of us were anything but friends.

I should have known the day I went to go smoke with our group and it was just him waiting for me and when he started walking me out to my car at night to leave.

I should have walked away at that moment and let him be a faithful young dad and raise his infant with his long-term girlfriend.

I should have known he was lying when he promised to me, and had our mutual friends promise to me, that he and his girlfriend were done.

I should have walked away the night he sneakily held my hand in the movie theater, and the night he stole a kiss as I was releasing a hug.

I should have run away the first night we had sex, and especially the day he asked me for naked pictures.

I should have known when his girlfriend was claiming that he was still hooking up with her, and sending her pictures, and writing her love notes.

I should have stopped when I saw the pain in her eyes.

But I didn’t stop. I continued to let him fool me into thinking he was mine until I was already in too deep. I never thought I’d be someone who had to park up the street in a church parking lot and walk down to her lover’s house. I never thought I would leave sleepovers at 2 AM to see my lover, because that was the only time that he was “free” to see me. I never thought I would let someone take away who I was.

But I did.

I lost a lot more than a few tears or some friends from this relationship. When it finally ended when I left for college, I had lost my self-respect, my faith and my happiness. I lost who I thought I was, and I’ve lost half of my college years rediscovering myself.

Please, take it from me; being the other woman is NEVER worth it. They are back together now and he is still the unfaithful sociopath that he was when I dated him. It is physically painful to think of how much of myself was lost through that relationship. Although, I’ve managed to regain some confidence and happiness — there’s a part of me that will always be broken because of him.