24. whaticanttellyou

I’m in a long term relationship with the man I’m going to marry. We love each other, we are a team and we are excited to spend our lives together.

But sometimes I want more sexually. I want to have group sex, I want to sleep with other women, I want him to sleep with other partners and come home and tell me about it, all kinds of crazy things. This is something we’ve discussed at length and he’s agreed to-on the condition that I set everything up.

I’ve gone so far as posting ads on sites like Craigslist and chatting with a not-insignificant number of potential partners, but I always chicken out. I’ve been accused of being a “pic collector” and I feel pretty shitty about it. I know how lame it is to get someone’s hopes up just to drop them, but I always get too nervous to go through with it.

So this is my confession and my apology. I am not a pic collector, I am not a cocktease or a bait n switch. I’m just a woman without the wherewithal to go through with what I want, and I’m sorry to the many men (and handful of women) I’ve disappointed.