What constitutes cheating? I used to think I would never be the kind of person who cheated. All I wanted was a good guy who was loyal and faithful and had eyes for only me. But I guess, as the saying goes, ‘never say never’, I counted my chickens before they hatched.
38 months into a committed serious long distance relationship and it happened. I fell for someone else. I cheated on my boyfriend whom I was so sure I was gonna eventually end up marrying. People change I guess? I started finding out this relationship wasn’t what I wanted now and I coulnd’t help myself. My feelings grew enormously for the other guy. Let’s call him A. A was sweet, detached and not ready to commit. Just what I needed. A kiss led to more kisses and ended up in mind blowing sex and when mind blowing sex happened, I suddenly tuned off in my head. My feelings started to fade away just as he was ready to commit to me. I did not want commitment, I wanted someone to occupy my free time with. I loved the attention. I loved that I could make him finally want to commit, since he had commitment issues but it freaked me out when he wanted to start getting serious with me. During this time I also lied to him that I had broken up with my boyfriend and of course never told my boyfriend I fucked somebody else.
While A was getting all lovey dovey I kept my distance and met X. X blew my mind too. X had been there all along but I never really gave him any notice or attention. I never really saw him in that way and despite his many attempts to get to know me, I brushed him off. And then one wild Thursday night happened and we both got drunk and we both got carried away and he kissed me. A long, slow kiss that stirred something in the bottom of my abdomen. That night I went home with him and continued kissing him for hours. Then I told him I was jaded and fucked up so if his game was to fuck me, then he should get it over and done with, but he told me he was after my heart first and that the sex could wait. And I think I fell for him right there and then. Told you I was spiralling. I went back that morning, and broke up with my boyfriend. Didn’t give him the truth he deserved to know. He knew we were crashing for a while and I said I was simply tired and needed time for myself, not a crashing relationship. I never had the guts to admit that I was not in love with him anymore or that I cheated. After all I was doing what was best for me no? I was looking out for myself and making bad strange decisions that made me happy.
So I’ve decided to give X a go, and am currently totally completely infactuated. Happened in just 3 days. Crazy I know, but hey, I’m happy and at the end of the day isn’t that what we all strive for? Every man for himself?