13 Things You Need To Know About Your Gay Asian Friend

1. He shaves.

No one is born with flawless porcelain skin. We all got flaws and body hair. Maybe some are “hair free” but others have to go get the job done. Hello waxing!
And his Facebook profile picture, yes its Photoshoped.

2. He does not always have to wear a bow tie.

Okay, I get that he is super cute when he dresses up but once a while it is okay for you to support him wearing a tie. He will still manage to look great. Trust me.

3. He does not eat cats.

No, he does not eat snakes, dogs or copper wires. Get real people.

4. He does not understand what “chong ching pong pong” means.

He speaks English also Russian, French, Indian and other. He does not understand alien languages. He isn’t a Martian.

5. He is not a potato queen.

Maybe he likes Indian men, maybe blacks or maybe he is a “sticky rice”. Maybe he likes anyone who has a dick. Just because you saw him stalking your hot white friend online does not mean all he likes are white men. Hitler was white; no one will want to do him. I am just saying.

6. It is not always small.

Not all Asian guys have small penises. It depends. Some are big, like really big.

7. He does not know martial arts sex.

Whatever that means! Sigh.

8. He poses way too much.

In front of the camera, bathroom mirror or the rear view mirror, you have seen him trying to pull off the puppy face. Just accept the fact and move on. There is nothing much you can do about it. It is in his innate nature.

9. He does not give a fuck about K-pop.

He honestly doesn’t.

10. He won’t go shopping with you in Chinatown.

Yes, you got that right sister. He isn’t doing it anymore.

He is sick and tired of bargaining the prices down for you. He also has something called “self fucking respect”.

11. Scared of his mother.

Ever Asian guy (orientation doesn’t really matter) is shit scared of their mothers. This is just a fact.

12. No, he is definitely not going as Pikachu with you at Comic-Con.

13. He will make the best drag queen ever.

He can look better that your girlfriend any day and you know that. Also ladies, if your Asian gay best friend ever tells you he want to be a drag queen, well honey… keep your boyfriend away, very far away.