There are your friends, there are your good friends, and then there are your people. How do you know if someone is your person? Well, as Cosmo one wrote to a girl who wanted to know if she had had an orgasm yet, “you’d know.”
But, for those of you who are still confused, I’ve compiled a handy list. Check all that apply; one point per check.
1. You let them read (okay, maybe even begged them to read) that 3000-word letter you wrote to that person you thought you were in love with. That letter that you’d never, ever send. The letter you’re already too embarrassed to think about. Yup, that one.
2. You woke up at 8 AM (or some equally ungodly hour) to Skype them when they were in New Zealand, because you knew that you’d likely drive that beaten-up Saab that is your life off a cliff without their guidance. Or you just missed them. You can have a point for either.
3. You’ve had at least one accidental deep and meaningful conversation sitting on the floor of a bathroom because you got distracted by their 1/5-life crisis while lamenting the lack of toilet paper at a party. They may have even come out to you during one of these chats.
4. You’ve probably hooked up at some point, or maybe one of you has even had a not-so-secret crush on the other person. Either way, you reverted back to friendship pretty quickly. Alas, the perils of confused intimacy. None shall escape.
5. Two points if you consider yourself straight and this person is of the same gender and you’ve hooked up with them anyway, before promptly discovering that drunken passion and sexual attraction are not always the same thing.
6. This person is DEFINITELY your person if you checked yes to #5 and nothing changed in your relationship afterward. Except for the jokes about how it was all Calvin Harris’ fault because of that damn “Feel So Close” song. Except for those.
7. You have a completely nonsensical (and possibly offensive) nickname for them that you employ so seriously that you’re consistently confused when their profile doesn’t show up when you search said nickname on Facebook. Others wonder why someone called “Weenie” keeps texting you but are too concerned to ask.
8. Their house/apartment/dorm room becomes a tropical island when you’re fleeing that gone-so-very-wrong hookup, Barefoot-Bandit style. Even if it’s 6 AM and their house is two hours away by NJ transit.
9. You can comfortably and casually snuggle in the birthing position. (Is that a thing? Am I the only one who thinks that’s a thing?)
10. They will take walks with you in the rain, even though they hate walking as well as the rain. Two points if they pre-emptively call you when it starts raining. Three points if it’s a thunderstorm.
11. They take your phone away from you after five drinks. Forget that Dignity app (“Emergency Contact Recovery”…pshhhh). They’re no-nonsense. (Note: Check yes to this even if their main motive is to avoid dealing with the Lindsay Lohan-style meltdown tomorrow would inevitably bring if you texted your hot econ TA or your ex that you refuse to accept is now engaged to someone that is not, in fact, you. No really, he’s happy. Don’t text him. Delete his number. Go on, I’ll wait.)
12. They have pulled you out of bed at 3 AM, insisting that you set up tea lights around a coin pond and have what could only be described as a séance, all while drinking copious amounts of Mango Tango. This may just make them an odd duck, but it also probably makes them your person.
13. You’ve called them at 1 AM on a Saturday, sobbing, and rather than asking what’s wrong they got in a cab to your house, despite the fact that they were in the middle of that elusive first DFMO with their Unicorn. If that’s not true personship, I don’t know what is.
0-1: He can tell you’re faking it.
2-5: Sounds like the real deal.
6+: I don’t know who came up with the concept of soulmates, but I assume this is what they were talking about.