If You’re An Android User, You’re A Misogynist

ryanne lai
ryanne lai

I am a woman, I’m in my twenties and I am a feminist. I also own an iPhone 5s, play a mean game of candy crush and I can name like every product Apple has ever made since like, ‘07. So yeah, I consider myself a bit of a techie.

Surprised? Well then you’re probably a sexist douchedweeb who farms Patriarchy pears and Oppression oranges in Silicone-tit valley. Look shamers, I’m not going to apologize that my very existence rubs you the wrong way and is too hard for you to wrap your narrow-minded little heads around. I’m a woman, I’m a techie and I’m proud. Deal. With. It.

Before we put an apple on top of Androids green head and shoot arrows at it, let’s take a gander at the tech-industry as it is today.

Technology has undoubtedly made leaps and bounds in recent decades. TVs all over the world have given in to fat-shaming and have undergone a rigorous Jenny Craig routine, Wi-Fi beams now shoot freely across the globe and cars now have rear end cameras. However, in one area, we are still skulking around somewhere in the shadowy alleys of Dark Ages.

The women of the tech industry are still marginalized on a daily basis. This is not OK.

Most new start ups within the industry are led by some pale, bespectacled male in his early to late twenties, most coding languages are written based on logic rather than emotions and in school most girls still hear the old demeaning adage: “It’s called Xbox, not XXbox, hunny” from male teachers and boys in their classes. Even when women are visible in the industry, they are not good-thinkers and don’t employ fem-approved language.

The CEO of Yahoo, Marissa Mayer, shocked the SJW realm when she distanced herself from feminism in 2012. She is without a doubt a mouthpiece of the Patriarchy, and has in some way been threatened or bribed into to expressing these outlandish views, but the fact that this weak woman is a role model of many young girls, is still troublesome. The Patriarchy controlled media is making sure the right kind of women are being kept in the shadows.

If you ask anyone who watches television or visits the internet, they will probably think most technology companies are still started by men from their basements. It becomes obvious only If you look closer and read between the lines, that it is in fact Women Of Color who have made it all happened. Before you entitled assholes ask, I’m not going to give you details about the great work that these women are doing behind the scenes, out of the public eye, that’s for another day, this article is about Android.

Android was founded by 4 cisgender white men. The word Android comes from Latin and literally means “like a man” (I’m not even making this up). Studies show that 75 percent of all Android users are male. If your alarm-bells are not ringing by now, you must be really fucking stupid.

Android makes me sick, I mean, how is this even allowed? Who approved that blatantly oppressive name and why isn’t the government doing anything about the android-gap between men and women? If that dumb little green robot could talk, I’m sure it would identify as a straight cisgendered male and he would probably be a rape-apologist.

It’s hard to leave the house these days without seeing Android-phone wielding douchebags walk around all high and mighty, making smug inside jokes about jellybeans and gingerbread (fatshaming?) and endlessly praising their open source platform. How about you stop with the closed source-shaming and espouse an open mind instead? Ever think about that?

Android is clearly designed to shut out strong independent women, the OS is too cluttered and unaesthetic to appeal to elegant and streamlined women. If Android was a room, it’d be a stinky a dungeon of sweaty teenage boys painting Warhammer figurines. The alternative is so much tolerant and inclusive. I am of course talking about Apple.

When Steve Jobs founded the company back in like, the 1960’s, the women’s movement was picking up a lot of steam. According to some interviews that can’t be found in public records, Jobs choice to name his company Apple was a way to pay tribute to Eve, in Genesis, who committed a defiant act against the ultimate Patriarch, God. By eating the Apple in the Garden of Eden, Eve made the first feminist statement, and by using iPhones, women are empowering themselves in the same fashion. The iOS system is sleek, beautiful and transgender friendly. There are a lot of chic, sparkly and fun cases for iPhones. If iPhone was a room, it’d be one in Kim K’s mansion.

Everywhere I go, I see strong, fierce and beautiful women (a lot are in their 20’s) of all colors and sexuality, with empowering iPhones of all colors in their debonair hands. Whether it’s at the bus stop, at a, fun, bubbly bar or at college, I can’t stop thinking about the symbolic middle finger women give Patriarchy as they hold the modern Apple of Eve, the iPhone of Steve.

So, to all you dweebs who plug your chargers into green robots every night. Why don’t you check your fucking privilege? How about being an ally to women and buying a phone that hasn’t been steeped in a soup of masculism, testosterone and rape-apology? If I see you with an Android your opinion is null and void.

If you don’t realize what pain your behavior is causing women everywhere,you are a monumental jackass, the only other kids you’ll get to Google Play with are other jackasses. (Also, what did Sam even Sing? I’m sure Samira sung just as well, if not better. Why not lift her story into the light?)

If things keep going in the direction they have been for the past ten years. I am sure we’ll see a ‘HTC XY’ a ‘Samsung Galaxy MOON (only men allowed)’ and a Nokia ‘ISmackABitchIfIHave2TellHerTwice’ being revealed at CES 2020.

Android users. Stop. Just Stop. Help me lead this movement, tweet #AnneGusforApple.

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