woman in gray crew-neck long-sleeved shirt standing on snowfield

It’s Okay To Admit When You Feel Broken

Today, I can feel my heart breaking because I am realizing I will never see you again.

As I look out the window, the leaves of the tree continue to sway with the wind, and I know it is cold outside. I wonder if you are warm wherever you are.

Love is a funny thing. We never know who we end up loving and sometimes we never understand why, but when the heart chooses to love; it just does.

My heart loves you and misses you every day, desperately hoping that one day I will be able to hold you and everything in the world will feel right again. But I am scared that it will never happen because you are gone.

I am sorry for all the times I didn’t value your worth and all the times I complained too much. I never thought that you would ever leave me alone in this world for me to figure things out.

Life is strange sometimes; we never fully see the beauty in others till they are gone, and it is actually sad. I keep reminding myself to value everyone in my life because it takes an instant to change everything, but I forget.

I forget the true value of people until I lose someone. I don’t understand why I haven’t learned it already.

Do you know what I hate about today? I hate that you are gone, and I hate that you were around till yesterday and I didn’t tell you sooner. I waited to tell you because of my pride, and now I will never get the chance.

I miss you so much. I will miss you forever.

I feel this sadness inside me. I want to cry and no matter how many tears I shed; it doesn’t feel any better. I feel like the pain inside me will never go away and the void you left will never be filled.

How is it possible for one person to affect another life so much? Why does my life feel like it is on hold in your absence?

It is as if life is paused for me so I can mourn every second of this pain for as long as possible while the leaves continue to sway with the wind. Are they giving me a message from you?

I don’t know what is worse? Is it that I didn’t appreciate you when you were here or that I miss you more now that you are gone? Either way, I see how selfish I have been and how selfish I continue to be because it has always been about my feelings.

Love is strange because sometimes we feel like we need to prove a point and that we need to show that we are right. I should have never made love a competition.

I am trying to remember our first moments together. You were kind and you were sweet. Somehow along the way, I made it complicated and I started to focus on your flaws. I kept finding things that were wrong and now I don’t know why.

Maybe I did not feel worthy and I thought you would inevitably leave, so I wanted to prove myself right. I wish I could go back in time and change my ways because I miss everything we once had.

I was lost and the only way I found myself was after I lost you forever.

Today, my heart continues to break, mourning your loss from my life. As I continue to cry looking at your pictures and telling others about you.

It feels like I am telling the story of this amazing person that I will never get to meet again because that is the way it is now. I wonder where you are and I wish I could see you again.

I have never felt this much pain in my life before.

Today I am completely broken.

About the author
I write about life & love Follow Anjana on Instagram or read more articles from Anjana on Thought Catalog.

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