Moving On

This Time I’m Saying Goodbye For Real

I’m stuck running in the same circle trying to convince you that we can be more than friends. I pour a lot of my time in your hands hoping you’ll appreciate it. But regardless of all the efforts I’ve made, I’m still just a second thought to you.

And I keep wondering if I deserve that. I ask myself how long will I wait out until you make up your mind about me.

Tonight, I’ve listened to plenty of sad songs and I’m finally deciding to take back whatever love I’ve thrown your way. Tonight I’ll stop holding my breath for you. Tonight I will no longer blame my lack of sleep for being emotional. Because tonight, I’m saying goodbye for real.

I’m saying goodbye to all the memories you shared with me. I’m letting go of all your broken promises. I’m forgetting that I once considered you a special person. I’m saying goodbye to it all, pretending like nothing ever happened between us.

There is still more to this. I know I was someone before you came.

I know I’m still so young and I don’t want to waste my youth watching you walk slowly to meet me in the middle. I‘m young and I have other places to be. There are billion of beautiful things waiting ahead of me. And this sad situation that you put me into won’t matter in few months.

Moving on is not a foreign idea to me. I’ve done it a lot of times. I’d like to believe that this is yet another painful moment I have to go through. This is another goodbye I have to endure. And in as much as I want to convince myself that it gets easier, it doesn’t. It just makes me feel numb to the pain.

A woman I look up to said, “When it’s right, you’ll know.”

Tonight, I’m fully accepting that you’re simply not the right one for me. You’re not the person meant to stay in my life.

I have to keep my eyes open for new doors. Because I see a lot of them. But I’ll only get my hands on these knobs when I put myself out there. And this time, I’m ready. This time, I know I’m truly prepared to take another jump.

Some endings are tragic but this ending is a good one. It’s the kind of ending which reminds me that I don’t have to settle for less than what I’m willing to put on the table. I don’t have to hurry. In my heart, I can feel that something good is coming my way. The grass is greener ahead of me.

And by closing this confusing chapter of my life, I can begin again with a clean slate. TC mark

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Angelo Caerlang is the author of Sparks in Broken Lights. Follow Angelo on Instagram or read more articles from Angelo on Thought Catalog.