10 Reasons Why It's So Hard To Let Go Of Those Who Ghost Us

10 Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Let Go Of Those Who Ghost Us

Being ghosted sucks. Depending on the nature of the relationship, it makes you go through various stages of irritation, frustration, feelings of rejection and, occasionally, swearing to go on a dating cleanse until you find someone who treats you right and actually responds to your text messages. And even though you know that the right thing to do is to let it go and delete the number of the jerk who obviously doesn’t know your value, sometimes that just doesn’t work. And, despite knowing better, you keep texting them anyway.

1. Closure

It’s the obvious reason, right? You want to know why they stopped replying, why they went as far as ghosting you instead of just using the subtle but often effective “Sorry, I’m really busy atm” excuse. You want closure, an explanation of why they just couldn’t be bothered with you anymore. And, really, it’s fair enough: it would seem that they would owe you at least that much.

2. You hate losing

Dating shouldn’t be a competition, but sometimes it feels like it is. You don’t want to be the first one to call after a date, the first one to invite the other over, the first one to say ‘I love you’. But those are all milestone things, even if they feel like a competition at times. (Or maybe ‘competition’ is the wrong word, but that’s a different story.) But being ghosted by someone? That means you lost the race in being the first one to get over it. So, you sort of hope, even if you wouldn’t admit it, that one of your texts will get a reply and then you can be the one to disappear and never write back. You can be the one to properly get over it first.

3. It’s a challenge

Some of us have competition in our blood. And even more than feeling like you’ve lost, you want to win. You don’t even just want to win by being the one who ultimately never reaches out again. Winning, for you, means winning them back. You want to change their minds. You are crafting every text or snap or insta dm in order to make them miss you, to reach out, to want you. You want to make them want you.

4. You convince yourself you were actually friends

This mainly applies to the specific category of being ghosted by a fuckbuddy. Fuckbuddy, friends with benefits…they seem synonymous. So, if you take the benefits part out of it, you are left with a friend, right? Or at least that’s what you are telling yourself. Sometimes that might even be the case. Sometimes. Either way, you still try. You try to remind them of the insider jokes you guys had or make casual references based on things they mentioned in passing. You became friends, after all. You did, right?

5. Drunk (& Lonely)

This one is simple: you’ve been out and about, drinking more than you should have. In the cab on the way home you’re scrolling through your phone, thinking of who you could text and hit up for just one more drink before closing. You come across their name…alcohol really makes you do dumb thing sometimes.

6. Familiarity

Dating nowadays is hard. Between Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and just meeting random strangers at bars, it can really exhaust you. Being with someone you know is reassuring, it’s easy. There is none of that first date façade where you try to only show the best parts of yourself. Being with someone who is familiar to you is a relief from daily life. Even if you’ve only been out a few times, it’s still easier than starting all over. Why let that go?

7. Boredom

We’ve all had those nights when you are sitting alone at home with no plans and you just finished binge watching some series on Netflix. It’s too early to go to bed, all of your friends are busy or annoying you for whatever reason that day… What to do? Why not text that person you were hanging out, the one who hasn’t gotten back to you? We’ve all been there. Boredom is a powerful thing.

8. All your friends are taken

There are those periods in life when everyone seems to be in some sort of relationship, except for you. And when you’ve just been ghosted, that sucks even more than usual. All your friends have someone to gush or talk about and you can’t help but be even the tiniest bit jealous of those friends who at least have someone to complain about. If you text the person who ghosted you, at least you’d have someone to complain about too.

9. The sex was just that good

Sometimes that’s all there was. Or, no matter what problems there may have been, that’s what you mourn the most. The sex was just so good thatyou still think about it, even when you probably shouldn’t. And you definitely couldn’t have been the only one who felt that way. So why not try for another round, you know, for old time’s sake.

10. You fell in love

It happens, no matter how much you might try to guard your heart. Breakups will always suck, rejection will never not sting. But having someone you gave your heart to disappear on you? That’s another level. It’s hard to imagine some people are really just that cruel. So, you think that maybe if you tell them, explain to them how you feel, then maybe they’ll realize their mistake and come back. Love is blinding, love is worth fighting for. One more text definitely seems worth it. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Andrina Liddell

Put together, yet occasionally a hot mess – a 20 something writer.