It’s the story of my life – the person I’m with acts invested and excited for the first few months, and then suddenly everything goes downhill. I don’t get dating – if you aren’t going to be yourself from the beginning, what’s the point? I don’t want a person to try to impress me. I want to get a good idea of what the relationship will truly be like so that I know if I want to be in it.
I am so incredibly tired of being told that I deserve the world, but that the particular person I’m with just isn’t willing to be the one who gives it to me. Honestly – fuck off.
My point is that if you are not willing to be in a relationship in the way that your partner truly deserves, you should never enter into that agreement in the first place. Be a decent person and know the truth about yourself. Don’t drag someone else in, let them fall for you, and then turn around and decide it’s all just too much for you to handle. That’s some cowardly shit.
When I make an effort in a relationship, that’s not me trying too hard. That’s me being who I am, someone who likes to give to those I love. Don’t use that fact as a way to excuse you not trying at all. Maybe that’s you being who you are, but that’s not going to work for me. I want someone like me, someone who delights in love. Someone who cherishes me, who makes sure I feel nurtured and safe and truly accepted. That is what I do my best to give, and I’m done taking less than I should in return.
If you are not going to give me what you so eloquently declare at length that I deserve, then stop wasting my time. I cannot find the person who will if you are still standing in my way.
At some point, I always realize how very little I am getting from a relationship, and I will decide to walk away when I am finally fed up. I give too many chances. I know that. I’m a sucker for love and the most eternally optimistic cynic you’ll ever meet. I’m working towards becoming more realistic, grounded, and less afraid of losing people. It’s a long process for someone who is working against years of learned behavior and toxic patterns.
I’m trying to be patient on this journey of life, but I’d be lying if I told you I’m not frustrated. Obviously, something deep down in me is still attracted to the wrong type of person, even if they appear to be the opposite on the surface. It’s getting to the point where I despair of ever choosing correctly, so I think I’ll stop choosing anyone at all. I’ve grown weary of gambling with my heart.
I want a special person by my side to share this adventure with, but not at the cost of my health and self-respect. If I can’t find the right companion I’m better off alone… as much as it crushes me to know it really may never happen.
So if you can’t – or won’t – contribute to your relationship in the way that your partner deserves, leave that person alone. If you know that you aren’t willing to be committed in the first place, then do everyone a favor and stay away. It’s not fair when you know deep down that you’re bound to hurt someone in the end.