The Seven Deadly Men You Shouldn’t Text During Quarantine—No Matter How Bored You Are

Amidst the quarantine, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect, as I’m sure so many can relate to right now. This is a reminder to not backtrack into communicating with ghosts of boyfriends past. Remember: they aren’t in your life for a reason, so don’t let this quarantine play tricks on your mind and make you feel that you should reach out just because. Protect your heart and protect your energy so that you can ultimately protect yourself during this quarantine.

Here are the seven deadly guys you should absolutely avoid texting during quarantine out of boredom.

1. The guy that’s always high

This guy is going to seem really mysterious at first, which will make him look even hotter. But he’s not hot or mysterious, he’s just really high. You’ll meet him when you’re already intoxicated, which will make it less noticeable. He’s going to seem really sweet, and it may be because he genuinely is. He is going to be very affectionate at first, and you’ll buy into it because it feels good.

But he’ll likely be all over the place with emotions, opinions, and direction of his life. He’s going to seem super mellow, but it’s always temporary. Unfortunately, this guy has a couple hurdles before he can ever be in a place to love you the way you deserve to be. Boy, high—tell him, boy, bye!

Red Flags

  • Asks you how many times you’ve done acid
  • Has more than one DUI
  • You lose his attention during conversation easily
  • Has parents that bail him out of everything

2. The guy that hides insecurity with money

This guy is going to be dreadfully boring but check off so many boxes that you want to give him a chance. The dates will seem fabulous—you know, the atmosphere, the indulgent food, the unique cocktails, basically everything but him. He’ll suggest fun shows and out-of-the-box locations, so of course you want to say yes. But, he goes all out because he believes he needs to in order to hide his insecurities and keep your attention anywhere but on him. When you start to realize this, you might feel bad, and then you keep dating him in hopes that your feelings will change or his personality will grow exciting.

That’s when you realize his insecurities only grow with the more time you spend together. The more comfortable he gets, he’ll grow fearfully rude and remind you of his bank account more frequently. You tried, but if you’re honest with yourself, you knew it wasn’t going to work right from the start. Guys that use their money to attract the attention of girls aren’t looking for love, they’re looking to buy anything and anyone that will boost their own ego. It may feel good to be the one he’s focused on when you’re the one getting attention, but listen to your instinct. There’s nothing for either of you to gain by texting him.

Red Flags

  • Can be seen spraying champagne onto half-naked girls on his Instagram story
  • Discloses one odd fetish to you that makes you think—hmm, there must be more
  • Quiet during sex
  • Proudly not quarantining like a douche on social media

3. The ugly duckling that turned into hot man-swan

This guy is charming, but in an entitled kind of way. He wasn’t always hot, but now that he is, he wants to make up for the lost time and hurt women the way they hurt him before. He’ll act cocky while still looking for your approval every time he attempts sarcasm.

When it’s just the two of you, there are moments of vulnerability, which can feel like the real deal and may make you miss him occasionally. But this guy is all about looks, and a superficial baseline makes it nearly impossible to form a real connection. He doesn’t deserve a text or a reply!

Red Flags

  • Makes a fat-phobic comment
  • Tells you to “shut up” when you bruise his ego
  • Overly confident (which always means the opposite)
  • Texts “you up?” even during a quarantine

4. The guy that’s way too nice

This guy will be full of excitement, but you’ll never be on the same page because there’s no chemistry. The date will be fun and thought out in advance, so you’ll appreciate the effort he makes. He’s a sweet guy that you love communicating with, but the physical aspect of the relationship will feel awkward.

You don’t need to text him out of boredom, because you’re sending the wrong message and only using him to pass the time. He’s a nice guy and deserves honesty at the very least.

Red Flags

  • Your first kiss will make you squirm
  • You have to drink to get through the date
  • Recycles regularly
  • Has a “Danny Tanner”-level clean apartment

5. The guy that’s too old for you

They say age is nothing but a number, BUT a number is still something. You may share an undeniable, unique chemistry. Still, things will likely always be off because the reality is that you’ll always be at different points in your life. If he’s not married and doesn’t have kids by 45, it’s probably because he doesn’t want any of those things and isn’t planning on changing that reality.

So don’t trick yourself into thinking that you’ll ever change his mind or he’ll grow into wanting those things with you. Time only drives you further apart, so leave this old guy in your past and ditch his number, so you don’t have the opportunity to even reach out. Odds are he’s not good with a cell phone to begin with, depending on his age.

Red Flags

  • Has never been married
  • Has a crush on his mom
  • Saves all his love for his dog
  • Refers to you as “young lady” frequently

6. The smooth talker

When you first meet, you’ll buy into his dialogue, but it will quickly become apparent that he’s a playboy that knows what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. You’ll like talking and spending time with him, but it’ll never go anywhere. He’ll try to stay in contact with meaningful texts that keeps him on your radar but doesn’t allow the relationship to progress whatsoever.

Sure, he’ll probably answer you if you send a message, but that doesn’t mean you should text him. He’s not worth your time or energy, especially during a time where you should be saving all of your energy for positive outlets.

Red Flags

  • Starts having sex with you while you’re asleep
  • Tells you that he couldn’t have sex for an entire year after his last breakup
  • Asks if you’re free over the weekend just to tell you he’s not free
  • Runs marathons

7. Trump Lackey

How these people even exist, I still can’t fully wrap my mind around. Still, anyone that not only believes in but defends the actions of Donald Trump is a sure way for you to know that this guy doesn’t respect women. It may not be obvious at first, as he tries to subtly bring it up in conversation. Trump supporters are a specific breed. So, if a guy is trying to convince you of how Donald Trump is saving this country, you can be almost certain he doesn’t believe in gender equality.

Perhaps this guy was born into money and likes things the way they are—because they work best for him right now. Men like this think of themselves before anyone or anything else, which is more certainly why you’ll never become a priority in his life. A guy that defends Donald Trump will most certainly never defend you, so don’t bother trying to change his mind. Be honest with yourself and it’ll be easier saying goodbye. For anyone that believes in gender equality, he is not the guy for you. Don’t text him just because he might give you some temporary attention.

Red Flags

  • Mentions he’s not racist because he has a friend that is black
  • Tells you he loves that women can vote
  • Thinks he’s way more attractive than he really is
  • Claims the coronavirus is a scam and posts about it on Facebook

About the author

Alyssa Lynn Malmquist

Order my book “Put The Damn Phone Down” available now on Amazon.