The ball drops and the clock on my phone turns from 11:59 to 12. “Happy New Year,” I say to myself as I shut the lights off and crawl back into bed alone. It’s remarkable how the marking of the new year can overload your thinking, past, present, and future.
I know that I’m surrounded by important people that mean something to me, but still, I find myself still repeatedly falling into isolation, feeling lightyears away from real connection. I’ve always put my friends first while, ironically, surrounding myself with friends that typically put their relationships first. So, for the first time, I’m finally realizing that this may be exactly why I’m not currently in a relationship.
It seems to surround me now more than ever before with friends and family. And I’m happy for them, but that happiness doesn’t erase the sadness in me.
I’m naturally sad that I don’t have the love I want in my life. I acknowledge that and I allow myself to experience it. Still, it feels nearly impossible for me to make a connection with someone. For the times I have made that connection, it’s even more difficult to transition that relationship into real commitment.
But I want to experience the feeling of undeniable reciprocation at this stage in my life, so I’ve decided I’m going to try more, because whatever I’ve done up to this point has not worked in my favor.
If you want your life to change, start making changes. If you want more, do more.
I want more, so I’m going to put an effort into putting in an effort. I’m going to try more than I have without abandoning my standard of not settling. I’m going to try instead of not trying. I’m not going to hope things work themselves out, leaving things up to fate.
I’m going to contribute to my own fate.
I’m going to try, and for now, that’s a good step for me.
Trying is a good step for anyone, because trying is better than the alternative.
Don’t give up on love, but more importantly, don’t give up on yourself.