When He Says He Doesn’t Want Anything Serious, He Just Means He Doesn’t Want You


It’s not easy to maneuver the shit-show that is modern dating. We’re a group of hypocritical beings who are sensitive in their own individual way. We have guys that are openly sensitive followed by the guys that project their sensitivity and insecurities through offensive behavior. It is hard to be clear on anything these days and that is the problem. We aren’t clear, about anything.

Sometime we’re clear, or at least try to be. We stay in contact with multiple people ensuring that there will always be someone to communicate with or receive attention from. This backfires in some cases as we have the world of technology exposing our excessive communication with other people.

There are too many rules telling us how we should and shouldn’t feel, based upon the measurement of how official or unofficial you truly were.

Screw the rules. You have the right to honest feelings and reactions, whatever they may be.

We are moving at a fast pace and sometimes it is hard to keep up. We drink frequently, and our interests are constantly changing. As we change our minds, we fall back on excuses as a default to upfront communication.

The excuses both males and females use to blow each other off leave room for misinterpretation, especially when the person on the receiving end feels differently. So let me spell it out for you.

When a guy says “I’m not looking for anything serious” he really means “I’m not looking for anything serious with you.”

Know that if this guy wanted you, the words “I’m not looking for anything serious,” would have never left his mouth.

But more importantly to all of the “I’m not looking for anything serious,” guys out there. Ask yourself; did the girl you expressed this to tell you that she was looking for something serious?

I admit, sometimes a girl may be looking for something serious. But that is why you ask her. Communicate. Speak up. Do not assume that I am looking for something serious based off my gender.

Just because a girl may like you, does not mean that she wants to jump into a relationship. There are a number of factors that are determined before even considering a relationship. The girl just may be making the effort because she initially liked what she saw or experienced; enough to learn more. That does not set anything in stone.

Assuming a girl wants a relationship because she is female is beyond egotistical and speaks more to a guy’s insecurities. Before I even consider dating a guy I have to know if I can stand them or not. In order to find that out, it includes hanging out outside of the weekend 12am-3am time block.  As a result I may make an effort to communicate with you and try to actually hang out with you.

This does not mean I am actively hoping to pursue something “serious” with you.

We assume far too much because the biggest problem with our current generation is communication. We inorganically talk through social media and smartphone devices. We are not on the same page. We are on too many pages. We are over communicating and have made it nearly impossible to avoid heartbreak, confusion, and dysfunctional behavior.

The good news: you are in control of how you choose to handle situations. Don’t let things continue if you sensing things are off. Speak up and stick up for yourself. Lay it all out there because you don’t have anything to lose. You want someone you can be your entire self with so don’t try and mold yourself into what someone else wants. Don’t react off of someone else’s reaction. Fight for yourself. If you don’t, who else will? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Order my book “Put The Damn Phone Down” available now on Amazon.

Keep up with Alyssa on Instagram, Amazon and almalmquist3.wixsite.com

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