Alexis Caputo

“I would NEVER, EVER tell my girlfriend this, but I really, really want her to call me Daddy during sex. It’s to the point where I might cheat on her just to try it.”

“I’d to tell him where I really want him to finish, but I’m too reserved.”

If you think it’s still a “controversial” thing to announce to your Facebook friends that you struggle with bouts of anxiety, you’re either living under a rock or looking to be a martyr.

When you get into your late 20s you realize that the future isn’t going to be a distant thing forever. It is coming for you.

If your roommate brings her boyfriend around too much, just walk around with your shirt off.

This is why I always hang out with the dudes at holiday gatherings.

Why do you think you would be the right person to examine a woman? There’s a whole 50% of your species with direct experience with a woman’s body, don’t you think they’d be better suited to be experts in this field?

You know humor is best delivered in taco bell references. You were born in the 90s. Netflix is your god and pizza your body of jesus.