Alexis Caputo

“I would NEVER, EVER tell my girlfriend this, but I really, really want her to call me Daddy during sex. It’s to the point where I might cheat on her just to try it.”

When you get into your late 20s you realize that the future isn’t going to be a distant thing forever. It is coming for you.

If your roommate brings her boyfriend around too much, just walk around with your shirt off.

“Any longer and they are drunk or you don’t know what to do.”

Sending a message that was obviously just copy/pasted to 30+ girls: we can tell when you do this. It’s not exactly a panty dropper.