Aries (March 21st – April 19th)
Make this fellow a complex and elaborate grave, that his enthusiasm and lust for life can’t escape. Aries is like a dog, persistent and happy. He’ll try for a while, then he’ll weep. Cover it in rocks, just to be sure.
Taurus (April 20th – May 20th)
Make sure to dig a deep hole for the Bull. Fill it with dry leaves, set it on fire. Bake marshmallows. Make Instagram stories.
Gemini (May 21st – June 20th)
Where there’s double, there’s more trouble! Pluck your Gemini enemy into a deep well, and don’t forget to close the blinds and cast them in cement.
Cancer (June 21st – July 22nd)
If your arch enemy is a crab, you’d better act with caution.
Leo (July 23rd – August 22nd)
This feisty enemy belongs in the ice box. Take a big one, to fit all shapes and sizes, and once you’re done, bury it deep inside the forest.
Virgo (August 23rd – September 22nd)
Lock him in the closet with the help of an Iron Maiden. Send him to space.
Libra (September 23rd – October 22nd)
Libra is charming, so you’d be probably in awe with them in the afterlife. Prepare a Victorian inspired Vampire casket.
Scorpio (October 23rd – November 21st)
You got yourself a hell of an enemy! With Scorpio, you may want to avoid basic solutions. This hole must be deep, dark, and filled with snakes.
Sagittarius (November 22nd – December 21st)
Sagittarius will want to run so it’s better if you cast him straight into concrete and let him dry for a while, before placing him as a statue in the funeral court.
Capricorn (December 22nd – January 19th)
A moderately deep grave, because Capri are so lazy. Sprinkled with flowers and perfumed herbs.
Aquarius (January 20th – February 18th)
In a box, underwater. He may be Water Bearer, but the water won’t bear him.
Pisces (February 19th – March 20th)
In a cave. This way he’ll never come back to his senses. 1-0 for you!