This was a tough lesson for me to learn, and if you are reading this then I’m guessing that it’s something you are trying desperately to do (trust me, I get it).
The older I became, the harder it was for me to face a failed relationship whether it be a friendship or a romantic relationship. After all, who likes to fail at anything? It also just made me feel as if I was doing something wrong as a person.
This changed for me upon graduating from college. I began to realize that people failing me was not a personal failure. In fact, it absolutely had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with them.
It is not your job to prove yourself.
At the end of the day, people will love you or hate you. No amount of people-pleasing, second chances, even fifth chances will change this. Learn this and stick to it. If he/she likes you, he/she will show it. They won’t ghost you or leave you waiting for the next text or even the next date. If someone doesn’t like the way you are, then there are ten more people who would love to get to know you. Know your worth and move on.
Stop chasing people who won’t give you the time of day.
Does it seem like more work than it should be? Then it probably is. Why are you crossing mountains for people who wouldn’t cross the street for you? Why are you cooking meals for someone who would rather you go hungry than share their bag of chips with you? Why are you swimming a race with someone who would let you drown before they let you win? Something that I learned when I met my current partner is that love is quiet. It is not this big, dramatic escapade that puts you through the ringer just so your family can say “Oh! If they can make it anyone can.” It should be calm and effortless. For years all I wanted was for someone to buy me flowers. I didn’t even have to ask my partner when we started dating. They just showed up for me. Ironically, I never thought I’d be able to find someone like that. Trust me though, they exist! So stop buying roses for people who won’t even give you a petal.
Forgiveness does not require relationship.
Even though this person that you tried so hard for claims to be done with you, there is still a strong chance that they will reach out and say those two words that you thought you wanted, but no longer need: “I’m sorry.” There is nothing wrong with forgiving this person and letting them go. However, that doesn’t mean that you need this person in your life. It is very possible to let those go just as they let you and hold your dignity in the process. As the old saying goes “forgive and forget.”