50 Dirty Jokes From Kid Movies That Are Going To Ruin Your Childhood 

1. The scene where Farquad literally sets up to jerk it to the magic mirror.

2. In Mulan, Mushu sees a whole bunch of men hurrying down to the lake where Mulan is skinny dipping, and panics “There’s a couple things I know they’re bound to notice!” That whole scene was one big adult joke.

3. In Big, with Tom Hanks, when he gets propositioned by the woman he’s seeing to sleep over.

“OK, but I get to be on top!”

Saw this movie in its first run when I was a kid, and it was funny because, you know, bunk beds. Saw the movie a good 10 or 15 years later and… ohhhhh….

4. In The Road to El Dorado, Chel and Tulio are supposedly making out, except when Chel stands up, she was definitely not where his face was.

5. Ratatouille, where Alfredo’s trying to explain to Colette that he has a rat doing his cooking for him.

“I have a small…uh…” and he puts his thumb and forefinger together.

Collette briefly glances down, then back up at him, and looks confused and slightly disgusted.

6. Coco.

Héctor: (singing) And her… knuckles, they drag on the floor

Chicharrón: Those aren’t the words!

Héctor: There are children present.

7. In The Rugrats Movie, when the parents are discussing the sex of the new baby (who ends up being Dill) Angelica’s mom says “Well, yanno what they say: born under Venus, look for a…” before she gets interrupted.

8. In Zootopia when Judy arrests Nick for Felony Tax Evasion, and then proceeds to lay out how much he owes and says something like “I am just a dumb bunny, but we are good at multiplying.” The line is delivered super quick and kids won’t understand it

9. Timon saving Pumba from Nala: ‘Why do I always have to save your a-AAAAAAAAAGHHH!’

10. The head chef from Ratatouille says to Alfredo, “One can get TOO familiar with vegetables, ya know!” Still cracks me up every time I watch it.

11. In the Ghostbusters theme song, one of the lines is “bustin’ makes me feel good!”

12. In School of Rock, Jack Black says, “I’ve been touched by these kids, and I’m pretty sure I’ve touched them.” Didn’t get it before, but it cracks me up now.

13. Buzz Lightyear’s equivalent to a boner with his wings when he sees Jessie open the door from the racetrack.

14. The Incredibles 2, after the daughter spills her drink on herself at the restaurant. Her school crush, working as a waiter, comes to the table to take their order. The dad laughed and says, “Sorry, my daughter is not usually dripping like this.” Genuinely laughed out loud.

15. The Rugrats Movie where Dil is born, and the babies are singing about their short existence. One of the girl babies says, “They cut my cord!” and a boy baby replies something along the lines of, “Be thankful that’s all they cut!”

16. In one of the Muppet movies: “Freeze, or I’ll choke the chicken!”

17. In Toy Story, Bo-Peep seductively tells Woody that she’ll have someone else watch her sheep that night. In the same movie: “The term you’re looking for is ‘Space Ranger’.”

“No, the word I’m looking for I can’t say because there are preschool toys present!”

18. Mrs. Doubtfire: “Oh I’m sorry, am I being a little graphic? I’m sorry. Well, I hope you’re up for a little competition. She’s got a power tool in the bedroom, dear. It’s her own personal jackhammer. She could break sidewalk with that thing. She uses it and the lights dim, it’s like a prison movie. Amazed she hasn’t chipped her teeth.”

19. Shrek when they get to Farquad’s castle: “Do you think he’s compensating for something?”

20. Ratatouille when Linguini asks the food critic what happens if he takes a bite of something he doesn’t like and the critic responds, “If I don’t enjoy it, I don’t swallow.”

21. Despicable Me 3 when he loses his job and the littlest girl tells him, “It’s okay, you can just stay home and gamble online like Sally’s dad does!”

22. In Finding Nemo, Nemo’s little octopus classmate is showing off her “lucky tentacle”. All octopi have one tentacle that’s shorter than the others. It contains the genitals.

23. I think Tony Stark saying something like, “You better not be playing hide the cucumber.” Is pretty raunchy and really slides under the radar. Every time I watch that movie I can’t help but wonder how the heck they slipped that into a kids movie.

24. Jack Black holds up 3 fingers to a former band mate in School of Rock and tells him to read between the lines basically giving him the bird.

25. In the beginning of Home On The Range, the cow says “yea they’re real, stop staring” and it’s talking about the cows mammary gland.

26. I recently laughed pretty hard when I heard Mr Potato Head in TS3 say, “Hey, nobody takes my wife’s mouth but me!”

27. The Grinch. The adults are partying it up and the guys put their sets of keys in a bowl.

28. The Boss Baby. When Tim and the baby get a ride in a limo with some party girls for some sort of hen night and he throws away a drink saying “The people of Long Island do not know how to make an Iced Tea.”

29. I was watching Shrek the other day, and Donkey was sleep talking. He said, “Oh you like that baby? Hop up in my saddle, I’ll give you a ride.”

30. In Frozen where Anna is on the sleigh ride with Kristoff and they were talking about foot size. Anna says, “Size doesn’t matter.”

31. In Toy Story, the toy that’s a long pair of feminine legs attached to what looks like a fishing pole. It’s a hooker.

32. In Zootopia, they reference Breaking Bad, by saying, “Hurry, before Walt and Jesse get back.” while they are wearing yellow jumpsuits and harvesting the toxic blue flowers.

33. The scene in Shrek 2 when Puss In Boots is caught with “catnip.”

34. In the LEGO Batman Movie where Robin says to Batman: “My name is Richard but my friends call me Dick.” And he responds: “Kids can be cruel.”

35. The Hey Arnold Movie where Helga says about Arnold, “You make my girlhood tremble.”

36. The new Pirates of the Caribbean has a scene that goes like: “I’m a horologist (studies the stars).”

One of the sailors say, “Honest way to make a living (thinking whore-ologist).”

Another sailor goes, “My mother was a whorologist.”

Another: “A damn good one too.”

37. In Cars, Lightning wins a race and two girl cars flash their headlights at him

38. In Hercules, when Hercules and Meg goes on a date and Hercules comments, “And that play, that Oedipus thing? Man, I thought I had problems!”

39. Cats & Dogs: One of the dogs says “Son of my mom.”

40. In Toy Story, Mr Potato Head pulls his mouth off and slaps it against his behind inferring Slinky is a kiss ass for defending Woody.

41. Monster House.

Jenny: There!

[waves flashlight at chandelier]

Jenny: Well, if those are the teeth, and that’s the tongue, then that must be the uvula!

Chowder: Oh, so it’s a girl house…

Jenny: [looks at him] What?

42. From Robots: “Making the baby’s the fun part…”

43. Inside Out:

“There are no bears in San Francisco.”

“I saw a really hairy guy. He looked like a bear.”

44. The Grinch movie with Jim Carrey.

In the scene where it shows the baby’s being delivered in a basket:

One basket lands on a front porch and the father comes out and alerts his wife “our baby is here!”. He then takes a closer look and says “it kinda looks like your boss”

45. The Toy (1982): “I present to you… Master Bates!”

It was probably 20 years between when I first saw it as a kid and then again as an adult before I got that line and Richard Pryor’s response.

46. Shaggy saying, “Mary-Jane is like my favorite name.”

47. I’m fond of the bestiality joke in Frozen. “That thing with the reindeer/That’s a little outside of nature’s laws”

48. In Mr. Peabody and Sherman, George Washington gives Mr. Peabody a presidential pardon, Abraham Lincoln does the same, and Bill Clinton steps into the frame and says “I’ve done worse!”

49. In Rango:

Ezekiel: [while reading a book] I think they’s thespians!

Balthazar: Thespians? That’s illegal in seven states!

50. Old one: Hocus Pocus. We desire children. Bus driver “may take me a couple of tries but I don’t think its going to be a problem.”