You Deserve To Miss Me

I don’t feel guilty about walking away from such a toxic situation. I cut you out of my world for a reason.

I am much more relaxed now that you are gone — but that doesn’t mean I am completely restored. Unfortunately, you hurt me so badly that even though you are out of my life, the baggage you brought me still remains. I have issues because of you. I have insecurities I am struggling to overcome.

It shouldn’t surprise me that you are still managing to fuck me over from far away. You always had a talent for hurting the ones you claimed you cared about.

Even though my pain has slightly healed over time, there has not been a single day where I regretted my choice to walk away. I am standing firm on my decision. I don’t think I overreacted. I don’t think I was too harsh on you. I am proud of myself for the path I took.

I am not going to be unblocking your number anytime soon. I am not going to be inviting you over for dinner. Leaving was not a temporary punishment. It was a permanent decision.

I hope that upsets you. I hope you miss me. I hope you look back on the way you treated me and hate yourself for it. I hope you finally realize your actions have consequences because you have spent way too long assuming you could get away with anything without retribution.

I hope you replay our fights in your head. I hope you remember the exact words you said to me. I hope you understand how much you hurt me and I hope that hurts you.

Believe it or not, I do think people can change. I think they can turn their lives around if they put in the effort — but you are not going to do that. I gave you a million chances to fix things between us and you squandered them all. You are never going to get better.

You probably won’t learn anything from this. You will paint me as the bad guy. You will twist stories to make it seem like I am cold and ungrateful. You will turn yourself into a victim. You will act like you never did anything wrong, like you never deserved to be abandoned and never saw it coming.

In reality, you don’t deserve my forgiveness. You don’t deserve my texts. You don’t deserve my calls. You don’t deserve a second more of my time because nothing you say or do can make up for the years of abuse.

You deserve to miss me. You deserve to spend your nights lonely and miserable. You deserve to have trouble sleeping because you cannot stop counting your regrets.

Maybe I’m a bad person for hoping you pay for all of the horrible things you have done, but you’re a bad person for making someone as sweet and forgiving as me to become this angry, so I feel like it evens out.