Forgetting Is The Hardest Part Of Moving On

I wish I could forget you as easily as you have forgotten me. I wish I could ignore you and carry on with my daily life without any thoughts of you. I wish I could wake up every morning without you being the first thought on my mind.

I would love to go through an entire day without wanting to share any of it with you. All of the funny things that I used to share only with you, no longer have an audience. I wish going to sleep didn’t lead to dreams of you and the disappointment pang that comes with waking up to reality.

I wish I could spend my weekends doing all of the things we talked about doing together, without any regard for your absence. I wish I could I carefully craft happy photos to post publicly for the world to see just how genuinely happy I am without you. I wish I could ignore the stabbing pain that comes along with hearing your name, since you are asked about daily.

I wish I could go home at night and not wonder about your day or if you’re doing well. I wish avoiding you would make me feel better instead of worse. I wish forgetting your place in my life was as easy for me as it has been for you. I wish walking away would’ve been my decision instead of yours. I should’ve seen all along that I was way more invested than you. Why did I think I was going to be any different than the rest?

As much as I wish I could forget you, I don’t regret your presence in my life. Even if I cared more about our relationship than you did, I’m happy I believed that the feelings were mutual even if it was a lie. I am glad that I got to experience the pure joy that came with thinking we had something wonderful. You made me believe in the possibility to love again, even when love seems impossible.

I’m thankful for you, despite your purposeful intention to hurt me and bring me additional pain. You know better than anyone that I’ve suffered enough. You have no reason to continue trying to hurt me, but you enjoy it. I wish I was cold enough to do the same to you. People who intentionally hurt others are hurting themselves. You may seem heartless, but I know your heart is huge for those you care about deeply.

Unfortunately for me, I wasn’t one of those chosen few.