Intimate Things I Love About Female Friendships

The unspoken agreement that if you’re all going to walk through a crowd, you’re all going to hold hands so nobody gets lost. I love when the girl leading the group just silently puts her hand back to the next girl in line and starts pushing through the crowd, creating that chain.

Feeling comfortable enough to text any of them in any time zone any question (usually about what they’re eating).

Sitting on their bedroom floor or curled up on their bed and watching them pretty much ignore you as they go about the room fixing things. They don’t feel the need to entertain you. You see their bedroom in total disarray.

Sharing anything. Chapstick, drinks, Metrocards, food, shirts, cigarettes—especially if it’s passed around the group and a discussion stems from it.

That no matter how much time has passed since the last time you saw them, there’s always a certain level of affection and excitement when you first greet each other.

Even better—if a lot of time has passed, there’s an even higher level of affection and excitement when you first greet each other.

The silent agreement—usually with eyes—that, yes, we should split fries or, yes, we should get the large guacamole.

Everything and anything that follows the sentiment “Oh, I forgot to tell you!”

The warmth and satisfaction that comes from finishing a serious, emotionally-draining, and vulnerable conversation—especially late at night and especially if not pre-planned.

Leaving handwritten notes for each other. Writing a mini (and poorly written) love poem and sticking it on their fridge before you leave. Scribbling a tiny “hi!” in the corner of a to-do list on their bedside table.

Having a specific spot you always inhabit in their apartment. The armchair with the broken leg, on the carpet next to the coffee table, the left corner of their bed with their grey waffle blanket. You never sit anywhere else.

Knowing your friends’ perfume preferences. Getting a whiff of the perfume from a stranger on the subway and immediately texting your friend.

Being open about not wanting to commit to plans. No excuses, just simply saying something like “not today, I just don’t feel like it” or “too tired” and nobody is offended by it.

Being invited to their haircut appointment. Going to a cafe afterwards. Being comfortable enough to attend mundane activities with them without needing a reward beyond coffee.

Calling you for no particular reason. Texting you just to say hi.

Sitting in silence with them. Breaking up lengthy conversations with you both on your phones or watching TV until one of you strikes up a new conversation. Being happy with these silences.