A Series Of Men I Was Unable To Fix
The first guy who made me feel seen, but who didn't care enough about himself to stay healthy and happy and sometimes I worry that he died before figuring himself out.
1. The horribly self-indulgent narcissist I dated before I was old enough to buy a lottery ticket who admitted to me once that he thought manipulating people was fun.
2. The first guy who made me feel seen, but who didn’t care enough about himself to stay healthy and happy and sometimes I worry that he died before figuring himself out.
3. The guy who couldn’t come despite hours and hours and hours (and and hours) of trying.
4. The professor who made up his mind about me based on rumors, and despite all the ass-kissing in the world would never change his mind.
5. The one who admitted what he did was fucked up to other people, but never had the spine to tell me that he was sorry.
6. The best-friend who I saw a really bizarre future with, but whose hand I could never hold in public and I could never explain to him why.
7. The summer fling, whirlwind romance, Clyde to my Bonnie gone way, way, way wrong, who sometimes I still miss so much it keeps me up at night.
8. The best friend of my ex-boyfriend who I shared a mutual hatred with until we had enough distance in between us to realize that being that antagonistic to each other was probably in neither of our best interests.
9. The neighbor who hated me because of my affinity for playing Lady Gaga and dancing in the afternoons which apparently, that was unforgivable.
10. The friend with benefits that I went weak in the knees for during one of the weirdest times of my life, but was ultimately more interested in greener pastures than ever being able to say, “I think like you too.”
11. The one who I think was always a little bit more in love with me than I was with him, but that wasn’t going to be enough to make me stay.
12. The roommate who stole money from me and sometimes I still think about sending him a venmo request for $100 with the memo “you fucking owe me.”
13. The one who is trying to get my attention, and I refuse to take the bait even though diving in would give me a thrill I haven’t felt since 2015.
14. The Tinder match who kept coming back despite a date where I was the bad guy, but I wasn’t patient or invested enough to truly investigate why.
15. The comedian who I’m 99% sure has a bit about me.
16. The one who still crosses my mind, and even though timing was never going to be on our side, every now and then, still makes me think “what if…” 
