This Is What I Felt When I Saw You With Her

I spent a little bit longer getting ready that day doing a double take in every window as I got closer.

I walked into a crowded room looking for you immediately. I was caught between nerves and excitement knowing very well you’d be there.

Then you walked in and our eyes met only you weren’t alone.

I tried not to stare but I couldn’t help myself when you took her hand leading the way.

The smile on the face hid a bit of heartbreak and disappointment.

And with one introduction and an awkward glance your way, I knew in no words at all we both said everything we needed to.

I looked down and tried to look away in hopes that everything I felt wasn’t written across my face.

But I knew you knew.

We did a little dance avoiding each other but I was simply in the wrong place again at the wrong time, left looking at another person whose story came to a dead end on a road I stood on alone.

I hated that her presence and hand in yours, made me question myself and not you.

But a reel of questions ran through my mind I couldn’t control.

Was she prettier? Was she smarter? Was she more successful than me? Was she more fun to be with? And why wasn’t I enough?

But instead, I laughed and smiled and engaged in a conversation like it wasn’t hurting me to do so.

I was stronger than I wanted to be.

I walked home alone that night when I didn’t have to.

I was met with goodbye as he kissed my cheek entering a cab asking again if I’d change my mind.

But the truth was I would have rather been alone than in the wrong company using someone to fill a void you left. The truth is I would have still picked you if only you would have done the same.