1.

Black is your armor. It adds a note of seriousness to your presence, and you like it that way. It’s a warning: this person is not to be fucked with.

2.

All your favorite women wear black.

3.

Your bible, as spoken by Massimo Vignell:

To begin with, black has class. It’s the best color. This is no other color that is better than black. There are many other colors that are appropriate and happy but those colors belong on flowers. Black is a color that is man-made. It is really a projection of the brain. It is a mind color. It is intangible. It is practical. It works 24 hours a day. In the morning or the afternoon, you can dress in tweed, but in the evening, you look like a professor who has escaped from a college. Everything else has connotations that are different, but black is good for everything. My house is covered in black.

4.

You never get tired of black. It looks elegant and simple and modern even though it can be made up of so many different fabrics and styles. You are always finding new ways to wear black.

5.

People will never stop making comments about your choice of wardrobe as if you should feel weird or bad because you don’t dress the same way they do. They just need a hobby.

6.

People don’t realize how much you can get away with when you’re wearing black. You still have pieces from 10 years ago because they still work layered with newer pieces. Experimental style can look crazy when it’s colorful, but with black you can take risks and pull it off easily.

7.

Give me black Ray Ban wayfarers, or give me death.

8.

The calming effects of black are extremely unappreciated. How can you not feel zen looking at a palate like this or this or this.

9.

You can’t imagine wearing one of those gauche blindingly white wedding dresses, ever. So, hopefully black wedding dresses will be a thing in the near future?

10.

You cannot wait to be a flawless older lady rocking all black. Joan Didion and Jessica Lange are your heroes.

11.

You taught yourself purposely not to take sugar or cream in your coffee. So it matches.

12.

If it’s wrong to only adopt a black dog or cat, you don’t want to be right. Plus, you can give them extra cool names like Stevie Nicks or Onyx.

13.

Your take pride in how efficient your wardrobe is. You don’t have to spend wasted time looking for things to match the item you really want to wear, you can throw things together in endless combinations and use your time much smarter than the average person. Plus, laundry is super easy.

14.

You can afford to always be open to whatever adventure is going to present itself that day. You would never have to run home and change if someone invited you to a fun-sounding event at the last minute. Black is appropriate for every event at any time of day. It’s hard to look under (or over) dressed in black.

15.

Another mantra, care of Yohji Yamamoto:

Black is modest and arrogant at the same time. Black is lazy and easy – but mysterious. But above all black says this: “I don’t bother you – don’t bother me”.

16.

You get a kick out of people’s obsession with the “perfect lbd” as if they’re going to find The One someday and then be done looking. Your closet is your perfect lbd.

17.

If there was only one praise-hands emoji left in the world, you’d give it to Johnny Cash:

I wore black because I liked it. I still do, and wearing it still means something to me. It’s still my symbol of rebellion — against a stagnant status quo, against our hypocritical houses of God, against people whose minds are closed to others’ ideas.