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Contrary to popular belief, one-night stands aren’t limited to one-off sexual encounters with strangers: in reality, the stuff of one-night stands covers everything from unintentionally platonic sleepovers to weird couch make outs. And yes, of course: sex stuff too. In partnership with VH1’s new hilarious morning-after confessional show ‘Walk of Shame Shuttle,’ here are some post-one-night thoughts that stick with you for a lifetime (or at least the entire lifespan of your iMessage history).
Leaving the bar: “Really wish I could shower before this, that bar was gross, we’re both sweaty and—”
The morning after: “I’ve never needed a shower more in my entire life.”
…
Before the casual meet up: “Maybe I will meet up with *insert name of person you vaguely met once who definitely has hot friends*, they’re cool. We’re like…friends, I guess.”
The morning after: “Thank God I’m not friends with any of those people.”
On the dance floor: “We could definitely be a thing.”
The morning after: “This is 100% not going to be a thing.”
Before contact: “Damn, I need to go back and get their number.”
The morning after: “Who’s strange number is this? Ohhhhhh. Oh, nooooo.”
…
That critical moment: “I should drink some water, but first—”
The morning after: “I will never drink again.”
In their apartment: “This apartment is perfectly adequate for what is about to happen.”
The morning after: “That bathroom was like a scene from Saw and I am never going back.”
The night before: “Hope they’re a good kisser and this isn’t a sloppy makeou—”
The morning after: “Pretty sure they licked my face. Licked. My. Face.”
The look before: “I look good as hell.”
The morning after: “…Don’t look at me.”
The night before: “I need to get laid tonight.”
The morning after: “Mission…accomplished? That feels like a strong word.”
…
The final moment before: “Lights. Off.”
The morning after: “What time is it? How is it this bright in here? Please turn the sun off. Forever.” 