10 Seriously Perfect Excuses You Can Use To Get Out Of Work Today

1. The fake tragedy

Skill Level: 4 (must know how to mimic a bad phone reception)

Boss: Hello?

You: *scream* OH MY God….OH…Oh my God! Listen, I can’t come in today, I..you…fire..gotta…….ambulance…to.the….ba….tr…..people….taxidermy…gottag-…bye. *hang up*

*Immediately turn your phone off so if they call back it goes straight to voicemail*

2. The food poisoned

Skill Level: 2

Step 1: Go to the sketchiest sushi place in town and order three rolls of the most raw things they have on the menu.

Step 2: Pray.

3. The inconvenient tire blow

Skill Level: 4

Tools needed: Knife, selfie stick

Step 1: Get ready for work as if it’s a normal day. about 7 to 10 miles away pull over, get out your car and slash your own tire.

Step 2: Call your boss and tell them you won’t make it because your tire blew.

Step 3: If they don’t believe you take a picture of yourself making a sad face next to your blown tire with your selfie stick and text it to them.

4. The pet emergency

Skill Level: 10

Step 1: Buy a dog.

Step 2: Throw it off your balcony.

4. The child emergency

Skill Level: 10

Step 1: Adopt a child.

Step 2: Throw if off your balcony.

5. The over explanation

Skill level: 8

Risk: Possible loss of job.

Boss: Hello?

You: Listen, I can’t make it today.

Boss: why?

You: Listen, because I just can’t make it, okay? I literally can’t MAKE. IT. The make that I need in order to come to work just isn’t there. I mean, it’s just not there. I have everything I need but the make that is involved in getting to the it. So I just can’t make it.

Boss: …What?

You: Listen, spell make….good, now spell it. See? The make that I need is all the way over there. If I had it, I could make it in, but I can’t. Don’t even get me started on the it that is needed for me to make the make.

*your boss will most likely hang up on you by now*

6: The Rash

Tools needed: Something you’re allergic to, alternative: light battery acid or battery acid zero.

Step 1: Rub whatever will give you a rash all over your face. If you are not allergic to anything, get the light battery acid or battery acid zero and mist it onto your face.

Step 2: Get ready for work then proceed to work.

Step 3: When everyone reacts to your face, act like you have no idea what they’re talking about.
Step 4: Enjoy your day off.

7: The no further questions

Skill level: 1

Choose from the following, or similar:

“I had a chimichanga last night and it’s coming out of both ways.”

“I have to go to the clinic. There are warts down there…and not the good kind”

“I was puking all morning…I KNOW we used a condom. I KNOW we did!” *start sobbing*

“I have to go to the funeral. He warned me this would happen. *start sobbing*”

8: The car crash

Skill Level: 10

Tools needed: Pigs blood

Step 1: Get ready for work like normal

Step 2: As you’re pulling in, make a quick right swoop into the nearest tree.

Step 3: Quickly pour pigs blood all over your body before anyone runs out of the building.

Step 4: Fake pass out.

Step 5: Enjoy your day off.

9: The other person

Skill level: 3

Tools needed: A friend, preferably a gang member, a gun.

Step 1: Have your friend call your work.

Friend: If you want to see *insert your name* again you’ll help him/her get me my money!”

Step 2: Have friend fire a gun shot into the air.

Step 3: Scream as loud as you can.

Step 4: Have your friend hang up immediately and turn the phone off.

step 5: Enjoy your day together.

10: The new job

Skill level: 10

Step 1: Turn your phone off the whole day and start looking for a new job.