10 Random Things That Turn Me On

Guys are sexy. We all have heard of the typical turn-ons such as height, a deep voice, a great sense of style, a pretty paycheck, etc. All of those things are well and nice but guys are sexy because of so much more. I think every woman has at least one strange, less popular thing that tickles their kittens about the male species. Here are my strange, sometimes creepy things that turn me on:

1. Guys with long legs wearing jeans.

You know how guys like to up-and-down a woman with a nice ass or large breasts? I stare at guys with long legs wearing jeans in much of the same fashion. I don’t know why, but there has always been something alluring to me about tall men. I don’t know if it is because I, myself, am on the taller side so I feel some kind of invisible understanding of things they go through, or what. All I know is, this lust is specific: guys with long legs wearing jeans. It’s almost like watching the ocean for me. It’s mesmerizing. I watch them walk, I watch the way the material of the jeans fits snuggly to their thighs… I wonder how much effort it took for them find a pair of jeans long enough to hit past their ankle. I don’t know, it just gets me all hot and bothered. It goes from innocently checking them out from a distance to me wondering what it would be like to sit on their long-legged lap. Umph!

2. Those strange sounds guys make in public.

You know what I’m talking about. Those unnecessary sounds guys make when they stretch in their seat, or clear their throat for no reason, or sigh melancholically at their own thoughts. I’ll be sitting in class, minding my own buisness and then the guy next to me will just go on a stretching spree! Like, did you just get back from a marathon or something? Either way, those low grunts bordering on sexy-time moans have me sweating like a baptist preacher at tithing hour! I just start thinking inappropriate things: Are those the same sounds he makes in bed too? *shudders*

3. Winter hats.

Maybe it’s because I’m a Floridian and we only have winter for about one and a half months out of the year but there is something about a guy wearing a winter hat that is just completely sexy to me. Especially if it’s out of the blue. I don’t know, I guess it’s just hot the way it makes them look all boy-ish and cute. Like aww, you are just trying to stay warm you cute, sweet little puppy…cute, sweet little puppy I want to f***. Am I bordering on inappropriate yet? Or have I already gotten there?

4. Veiny hands and forearms.

To all men, I’m sorry if you are doing something as innocent as handing me my groceries in the checkout line or writing with a pencil and I’m eye-banging your arms and hands. I don’t even know why a guy having protruding veins in his arms and hands is hot, it just is! It’s like a road-map or something. I just want to trace them and find my sexual direction. God forbid if the guy is doing anything remotely physical, like opening a can or lifting something heavy. *dramatically faints*

5. Blushing.

If a guy starts blushing in front of me he might as well take me in his arms right then and there. Blushing and other anxious gestures is such a turn on for me. Maybe because it’s a sign of nervousness or insecurity that is inescapable. He could be the coolest guy around but there is no way for him to control his crimson cheeks. This unwanted vulnerability makes me blush…in other places (wait does that even make sense? Who am I talking to?…Ah who cares! Blushing is hot.).

6. Unexpected peep shows.

Guys! Why must you torture me so?! I’m just trying to go about my day as saintly as possible. Did I ASK you to run along the sidewalk with your shirt off, glistening in the beating hot sun? Did I ASK you to wear a shirt that was too small, thus causing it to lift up and reveal your rabbit trail as you are trying to reach that ridiculously high item I insisted you get down for me? Did I ASK you to show me the rim of your calvin klein boxer shorts as you bend over in class to pick up a pen I accidentally flung across the row and knew you would pick up because you are polite? NO. Okay, so stop with the torture! Please!

7. Motorcycles.

I know not only men ride them but when they do…when they do. *shakes head*. Yes, your shiny motorcycle that looks like you just bought it yesterday does make you look kind of like a pretentious, attention-seeker. Yes, I would never actually want to hop on the back of that thing for fear of death. Yes, I don’t even know what you look like because your helmet is covering all of your face. Yes, I am trying really hard not to give you the sexy eyes through my rearview mirror. Yes, I would…wait, where was I going with this?.. Oh yeah. Yes, I would f*** you. On the back of said bike, actually.

8. Glasses.

“Hey regular guy with your regular clothes and your regular attitude I was just wonder..*guy puts on glasses* … ing what a sexy professor like yourself is doing in this coffee shop?”

Glasses are so hot. Especially if they are unexpected. One day you are just a normal dude, turning me on with your winter hats, veins and legs, then BOOM. The next day you walk in with bifocals that make MY focal shiver with delight. They instantly make a guy look smarter. Smarter is sexy. So lets go to the local library and, you know, get to know each other. I’ll tell you about what it’s like to be 20/20, stud.

9. Cool haircuts.

I know, I know. People are ragging on guys who rock the slick back 1930’s haircut or whose fade is always on point but I appreciate a guy that takes the time to do his hair in the morning, or spends good money to get an amazing cut. It just shows that extra effort he puts in his schedule to look on point. Not only do I respect him for It, I want to f*** him for it too. Don’t worry, we won’t mess up that pretty little hairdo.

10. Cocky smiles.

Okay maybe I don’t like d***-head guys, but there is nothing hotter that a guy that always has a smirk on his lips. It’s like he is always up to no good or something. It’s so mysterious. What are you thinking about? Probably something dirty. Or at least that’s what it looks like with that James Franco smile you’ve got going on. Extra sexy points if I’m the one to have made you smile. Sometimes I wish I was a guy, so I could practice my sexy smirk into perfection, melting the hearts of sad lonely girls everywhere. There is something about a sexy smirk that can make anything a guy is doing ten times hotter. Taking a dump? *smirk* Clothes are off. Shaving your pubes? *smirk* my body is ready. Burying a dead body? *smirk* grab me a shovel, we’re doing this thing tonight.

*disclaimer: I am not actually as promiscuous as I am making myself sound in this article…or am I? *wink, wink*

No…I am not.