Ladies, when you’re with a guy have you ever thought to yourself, “Let’s cut to the chase—how big are you?”

You’ve probably thought this at least once while talking to some dude after you’ve had one too many tequila shots at closing time. Sorry guys, but size matters and don’t ever let any woman tell you it doesn’t. Sure, she might still “love” you, but hardware might be necessary to sustain that love.

Wait, was that cold-hearted? I mean she loves you for “you,” but really size does matter. Okay, ladies, let’s get to it. Since every girl talks to her friends about size and we all have the same scientific conversations, here is what I’ve concluded on how you can somewhat scientifically determine if he’s big.

1. He’s quiet and humble.

Any man who doesn’t have to be loud and obnoxious knows he doesn’t need to overcompensate for anything since he clearly isn’t lacking.

2. You have to make the first move.

The shy ones are the ones you need to look out for.

3. He’s tall and skinny.

We all know what working out does to you. He doesn’t have to be a rail, but less muscle means more downtown.

4. He looks you directly in the eye.

He’s knows he can make you scream and wants to remember what your face looks like before that happens.

5. He doesn’t high-five his friends.

I know, it’s so scientific. But really, my observations of groups of men have taught me this.

6. He kisses you like a man.

Ever been kissed and thought, “Uhm…try again”? The ones that are about to rock your world kiss you like they mean it.

Now—go forth ladies and spot the bigs. Now we are all smarter. We grew together.