It’s Time We Sent All Short Men To The Gas Chambers

For thousands of years women have had to endure crippling beauty standards by the media, magazines, and the objectifying male gaze. There’s so much pressure to be skinny, blonde, have long legs, have blue eyes, have big boobs, and be super pretty—I guess you could say there’s a pressure to look kinda like me #lol.

Women are suffering every day from unrealistic beauty standards, and it’s fucking ruining the lives of women everywhere. I’m so fucking over it, men are so fucking shallow, and their shallowness is causing an epidemic of low self of steam among young women.

Men are always saying “No fat girls.” Don’t they realize how sexist this is? Are you really judging a woman on what she looks like—and her size, at that? It doesn’t matter whether she is 100 pounds or 350—all women are beautiful NO. MATTER.WHAT.

This has got to stop—and I think I have the solution—a final solution.

The group of men that seems to have the biggest chip on their shoulder and who are the most critical of women are none other than short men (uggghhh)(yuck).

Short men are literally the scum of the Earth. They’re not real men. Like, any man who says a “5” at the beginning of his height is dead to me, literally, like, do they even deserve to be called human beings?

I always see short ass men (manlets) strutting around the streets with suits on, and I like, laugh my ass off—you’re 5’7” and you have the nerve to go around acting confident? #LMAO. It’s like seeing a toddler in daddy’s suit. Short “men” are pretending to be real men. If I were a short man I’d be so ashamed I’d never leave the house, cuz people get pissed off just from looking at you. When you think about it, men under 6 feet shouldn’t be allowed to reproduce, I swear—short guys should seriously be illegal.

Every time I see a short man, I think to myself, like what’s the purpose of men under 6 feet? Like why are you even on Earth? The worst is when they try to talk to me and my girlfriends, like, ughhh, you’re half my size, what the fuck are you thinking? Do I look like I’m into midget sex to you?

Being a tall girl (I’m 5’8”), it’s an insult when guys who’re like 5’10” think they have a shot with me, cuz like I really, really like wearing heels and if I got together with gnomes like that, I’d tower over them and that’d make me feel really insecure.

I used to be really into Daniel Radcliffe, the guy who plays Harry Potter, but when I learned he was like, 5’5”, I puked a little in my mouth. I’m not sure if he could attract me again even if he got leg-lengthening surgery, because he would still have that shitty Napoleon Complex that all short men have. I’m sure you’ve all noticed that short men always feel like they have to overcompensate for being like, genetic failures, and this is so comical to see their little bodies being all aggressive.

I’ve got a plan to put short men out of their misery so we won’t have to bear the sight of them. Like this might be a little harsh (#lol #naughtygirl), but I think we should do what Hitler did to the Jews with short men—gas them. I mean, like now you may be thinking like, “But Anne, they’re humans too, they deserve to be alive,” but like, are they, though? Human, I mean. I’d say they’re not. Most women look at them more like a pest, and what do you do with pests? That’s right—you gas them.

It’d clear up so much space—or not that much space actually, cuz they’re tiny—but still, short men are a waste of any space they take up. Women wouldn’t have to constantly feel visually insulted or preyed upon by Hobbits. The world would be a much better place. I’m sure short men would appreciate it, too, to just have it all end. The world would be a much better place if short men just disappeared forever.

I’m ashamed to admit this, but I’ve been with a short man once, and I promise he was the only short man I’ve ever, like, talked to. He was this super douche that had really cool tattoos and was super aggressive and he made my panty-muffin tingle by some miracle. Somehow, despite his inferior height (5’8”), he managed to get me in bed, and I was super into him. Then we had sex for a few months, and I was like falling in love with him and stuff, but then it turned out he was sleeping with many other girls and that I was just a side chick. To this day I…FUCK YOU JACOB, YOU SAID I WAS YOUR WORLD, YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME, I FUCKING LOVED YOU, YOU MIDGET SHORT ASS MAN. I FUCKING HATE YOU…so, yeah, anyway, he was a typical short man, you just can’t trust them. It was a HUUUUGE mistake to get involved with one. I am ashamed and disgusted that I let that Goblin put his ding-dong anywhere near my Lollipop Lair.

So, yeah—short men are no good, they’re bad news, that’s what I’m trying to say in case you hadn’t noticed. It’s time we, as a society, stand up tall and say NO to the Short Man (#Oxymoronalert). It’s time for the Final Solution. It’s time the menace is exterminated. Let us free the world from Halflings. They’re holding our species’ development back and they’re perpetuating unrealistic beauty standards for women. Short men: Off to the gas chambers ye go.

Show this to any guy you know who’s under 6 feet tall to make sure he’s not wanted. Also, spread the word with this hashtag on Twitter #GasShortMen. Remember, it’s not murder if it’s short men; it’s…cleansing.