1. The worst employee ever.

I work as a busser at a pretty nice sushi restaurant. We used to have another worker who was referred to as “Shithead busser” by the rest of the staff. Anyway, one day Shithead busser arrives at work and sees some one trying to break into a car. He proceeds to break the window for them, then put on his apron and go in to work. The whole thing is on video surveillance. He lost his job.

2. Las Vegas security footage.

One of the strangest was a woman being escorted out by friends, seemingly outrageously drunk. It was summer so they put her in the car, presumably to pass out, while they continued to gamble. She left the car, rifled through 4 other cars taking/leaving things along her journey, and then left when someone came and picked her up. Police were involved, the lady was found within a few days… Turns out that she had been to the doctor, had been prescribed a medication and completely blacked out from it. No alcohol was consumed and she had no recollection of 3 days that had past. When confronted she burst into tears and immediately offered to pay for whatever she took.

3. Gross grocery store etiquette.

I didn’t see it but I was working when it happened: I see our security guy running through the back hallway at our grocery store. I ask if he needs help and he replies “only if you wanna see an old man jacking off in the frozen food aisle.”

4. A fake slip-and-fall at a grocery store.

I used to be a claims adjuster for mostly slip and fall cases. I was reviewing a tape of an alleged slip and fall at a grocery store. The woman walked into the middle of an aisle, picked up a wet floor sign and hid it in another aisle. She then screamed loudly (no audio on tape though), and then waited a few seconds before lying on the ground. When someone came to help her, she dramatically kicked her legs, causing her body to rotate around in a circle like a child throwing a hissy fit. Then her accomplice came over to help her and dramatically pretended to slip all over the place like a cartoon character. I wish I had a copy of that to give to the internets.

5. Security footage from one of Australia’s largest airports.

I am responsible for watching the CCTV at one of Australia’s largest airports. People do amazing things.

I once watched a man drop his pants and take a shit at a packed baggage carousel, to the disgust of everyone standing around him.

People always walk into glass doors. I watched a woman nosedive down a 12 step set of stairs, completely missed every stair and face planted at the bottom.

This guy thought he was by himself one day in a empty part of the airport. He began to strip down to his bare arse and slide across the leather chairs completely nude.

6. Funny footage of angry customer.

I used to manage a cellphone store and a pissed off customer went to storm out of the store, but an extremely clean window impeded his exit. He slammed into it, face first…turned around, shook his fist like an old man and left. We must have watched it 200 times. Even our Regional VP couldn’t help but laugh.

7. Security footage from McDonald’s drive-thru at 2am.

CCTV of the drive-thru lane at McDonald’s. A guy stark naked at 2am doing press-ups. Best part? He was a member of staff and had called in sick earlier that evening. He was supposed to be working there and then.

8. Health nut slips up.

Used to work at a smoothie shop similar to Jamba Juice but with more supplements. Make this guy a nine freaking dollar smoothie with wheat grass, oats, protein power AND weight gainer. Ridiculous but whatever. He pays and turns to leave with his phone in his hand. Have a nice day. The next person to come in says there’s something all over the window. It’s the mega calorie deluxe I just made. Go back to check the security cam, this dude walked right into the window next to the door, smashed his smoothie, turned to see if anyone saw then just booked it. We watched it over and over everyday for a week and it never got old. It was a big controversy when we found out someone deleted the video. Never saw bro health nut again.

9. Security footage from 2:30am art a Mexican Taqueria.

I worked at a burglar alarm place. At about 2:30am, a couple of Hispanic guys broke into a Mexican Taqueria, and began making themselves tacos. Police responded in 13 minutes, the owner showed up a few minutes later. The guys didn’t speak any English and the cops didn’t speak Spanish. They kept saying “Trabajo” which means “Work” or “Job”, and I knew that much to translate for the cops. The owner said “Don’t arrest them until I get down there, I might know who it is.”

By the time the owner showed up, the guy had made tacos for the cops and his buddy. The owner, having to show up at 3am, was a bit weirded out but he ate one too. Finally he calls in and says “I don’t know these guys, this is my wife’s restaurant and she doesn’t know them either. I offered this guy a job though, those tacos were good.”

10. Scarring footage of abused boss.

When I was 16 and working at a fast food place, one of my managers had all of her shifts covered for two weeks, I figured she got pretty sick or had a death in her family. The next day I walked in to the office to see our Area Manager and Regional Manager watching security footage, so I walked up behind them to see what it was. It was our manager getting beaten savagely by her crazy roided up boyfriend. He dragged her from the office out to the back car park by her hair, before slamming her head in the door of his car, after a worker at our store stopped him from abducting her. I walked out of the office, and never said a word.

11. A fire caught on camera.

Our staff had someone make a lunch run to Wendy’s – one of the girls was stuck on a phone call, so they put her sandwich in the break room refrigerator. About a half-hour later, she walks into the break room, takes the bag out of the refrigerator, throws the entire bag into the microwave, and hits the “Start” button – forgetting that Wendy’s wraps their burgers in foil. The foil starts sparking, which sets the bag on fire – she rips open the door to the microwave, grabs the bag, and can’t decide what to do with it – she runs three entire laps around the break room while shrieking & juggling a paper bag that has three-foot flames shooting out of the top. She finally has the presence of mind to throw it into the sink.

12. The gross things that happen on a flight deck when no one’s looking.

It wasn’t really security but it was CCTV for the flight deck of an air craft carrier, I saw some guy jacking it in the middle of the flight deck just standing there whipping it out about midnight. I’m not sure if he needed to do it to keep awake or if he was turned on by the oil atolls and stars.

13. Family attempts to sneak into water park.

I worked at a water park one summer and at the turnstiles when you come in you had to have your bag checked by security before you could come in and pay, so this one Indian family (of about 15 kids, 2 grandparents and 9 adults) helps the elderly in first, and then one of the parents gets their bag checked as a distraction while the ENTIRE rest of the family RUSHES THE GATES. On camera you see all of the kids and adults running past the security guard with lawn chairs, bags, towels, and an UMBRELLA . They then thought it was smart to split up, by then I came out of the security office and saw half of them running into our wave pool (still fully clothed, shoes and all), and the other half trying to make a break for the picnic area…

14. Gas station surveillance.

For my first job, I worked at a small, local gas station. One Tuesday afternoon, a large, bald man came into the store and bought us out of Rice Krispie treats. Then, he proceeded to go to his car, put on a large fur coat, come back into the store, go into the big beer fridge in the back, and build a large castle out of the treats. He hid inside and refused to leave at closing. The footage was used a few years later to allow him to plead insanity in another case.

15. Caught on camera: dude taking upskirt shots.

Alright, my time to shine. I was a security guard at a large retail chain for a few years, and I saw some things.

One of the worst was this one guy. I saw him coming into the store multiple days in a row, never buying anything, never really leaving with anything, so I started to wonder what the hell he was doing. I began to follow him on camera and the first couple times I followed him, there was nothing special. Then one day, it all made sense. I saw him come into the store and immediately went to the security office to track him. I followed him to the Toys section where he slowly walked up to this old lady (65 – 70 years old, kind of fat), and he knelt down behind her, took his camera phone and stuck it under her dress and took a picture. I called the cops who came and arrested him and found many more pictures on his phone. But man, I just felt bad for that lady. She didn’t even know what had happened until we told her.

16. A secret message to the boss.

This is more about my story on camera. My manager, who runs the restaurant I work at, accidentally left his notebook at the bar and my coworker looked at it. With an astonished look on her face, she explained to me that the manager watches us on the camera and anytime we do something against the rules he would write it down. Catch is, he shouldn’t have had access to any of the cameras.

I was fairly new to the business so my name was only in there once: Stubble, 10:35 AM, Drinks glass of milk. We were pissed that he was wasting time and invading our privacy concerning himself with petty little rules, so the next day at 10:35 I poured myself a glass of milk, had a seat at the bar, stared into the camera, drank it, and then flipped off the camera.

I knew it would horribly piss him off, but he couldn’t fire me for doing it because he’d have to go the big boss and tell him that he was wasting his own time accessing footage he should have never seen.

17. Security footage from a hospital.

I work on a hospital unit that has a large amount of security cameras. One day, myself along with at least for other staff members witnessed one of our nurses walk off the unit, over to our meal cart (full of eaten trays), and proceed to eat from the scraps. She was stuffing food in her mouth and her pockets. Later on, she was complaining about not having eaten anything all day.

18. Security footage of an attempted burglary at a jewelry store.

I haven’t got my hands on the footage yet, but a friend of the family owns a jewelry shop. The guys wife is tending it while he is in the back sorting out stock. Robber walks in starts waving a gun around. Husband, without giving a single fuck, jumps out of the stock room to defend his wife and his shop and lands a knock-out punch. He towers over almost everyone. He even lifts.

The rest of the footage is a half-hour reel of the robber waking up and getting knocked out by the husband, repeatedly, again and again, until the police arrive.

19. Possibly the creepiest security footage of all time.

I remember a similar thread a few months ago where someone was a security guard for a building and would go patrol the perimeter/watch tapes. He said that he went out walking and when he got back to his post he noticed someone in an area he had just walked through and wound the tape back. The man was lurking near him the whole time he was in that area following him from a distance and just watching.

20. Caught on camera: the dougie.

I haven’t found anything really creepy or disgusting, but I saw one of our elderly housekeeping staff do the dougie for like 2 minutes once.

Probably against some kind of policy, but I clipped like 30 seconds from it and set it to the music. Right proper.

21. An attempted narcotic burglary caught on camera.

Probably when our (now ex) employee decided to fall through our tenant’s ceiling James Bond-style when he was trying to break in to steal narcotics from their locked sharps cabinet.

Camera was motion-activated, so all I saw was our employee falling 9′ to the concrete floor, the successive ‘thump’ and then watching him get up after 10 minutes and cleaning up the mess he made.

Almost makes me miss that dumbass from time to time…until I remember that he tried to steal controlled substances from our tenant and almost nixed our contract with them. Fuck that guy.

22. A grocery store turd incident.

I work at a grocery store and we have a video of this one manager going to pick up what he assumed was a chocolate bar turned out to be a turd in the middle of the sales floor. When looking farther back we find a video of an old guy who slowly bends down, shakes his pants and lets the turd roll onto the floor and walks away. The store director then looked up his membership card found his address and send him a coupon for free box of depends.

23. Caught on camera: mental health client.

I once watched a client (mental health) write out what he wanted served as options for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, in his own poo. This lasted around twenty minutes and was not his first poo manifesto.

24. Security footage of a drunk couple trying to get a room at a hotel.

I worked in the Security department of a hotel for a few months. Best thing I’ve seen on camera: A drunk couple comes to the front desk at around midnight, and asks the front desk clerk for a room. He declines, as our hotel policy doesn’t allow us to take walk in rooms after 9 pm. The guys stands there for 15 minutes arguing with him, trying to get him to change his mind, but to no avail. Finally, the lady has had enough, charges forward and yells out, “Maybe this will convince you!!” and lifts up her shirt and full on flashes the front desk employee. No bra, just huge, fake boobs. They still weren’t able to get a room for the night.

25. Caught on camera: adorable mentally-challenged man checking himself out.

Funniest: a mentally challenged male stood in front of the video camera. When he realized he could see himself on the screen above him, he started checking himself out. He lifted up his shirt to see his extremely large belly. He made a disappointed face and sucked in his stomach. His face changed from disappointed to proud. It was an adorable moment really.

26. Caught on camera: the cigarette thief.

Cartons of cigarettes kept coming up missing from the store I work at. They are kept behind the counter so all signs pointed towards it being an employee. My boss watched all surveillance tapes from days they went missing and after weeks of not finding anything realized a teenage boy would army crawl around the counter while his friend directed the cashier’s attention away. It was so sly and well planned. They probably stole over 20 cartons before they were caught, but they were caught. Damn hooligans!

27. Drug addicts caught on camera.

Worked in the surveillance department. Old dirty men copping feels on local crackheads for a few dollars, people dealing drugs, getting beat up, handjobs, yada yada. Funniest one was when a few of the cleaning staff were huffing cans of air duster and took turns passing out in the cleaning supply closet…like four or five times each. Then one went into a seizure and the other one tried stuffing him back into the closet.

28. Caught on camera: a chase.

When I was 18, I was an assistant manager at a record store in a mall. One night, a guy carrying a shopping bag went through the sensors and set it off. I told the other employee to stay behind the counter. I asked the customer to stop, and he didn’t. Our store was near an exit and as soon as he hit the door, he ran. I chased after the guy while I speed dialed mall security and told them where I was and described who I was chasing. I ran after him until the bag broke, and the merchandise spilled. The guy sprinted over a hill when security got there and I just took the bag. Unfortunately, the guy wasn’t caught, but I recovered almost $500 of merchandise. Later that night, a friend from an anchor store who worked security asked, “Would you like to see the tape?” It was cool to see myself: a 5’3″ tall girl 130 lbs. chasing a 6’4″ 225 lbs. Dude. I also had a Batman shirt on, and was referred to as “Batgirl” after that.

29. Late-night locker room rendezvous.

Aside from seeing people fall off the treadmill or people lifting too much and either breaking a bone or messing up their muscles, the wildest thing I’ve seen at my gym was overnight -when the gym is not staffed but the it is still accessible- when a HS girl comes out of the women’s locker room in just a towel, walks over to the free weight area, grabs two guys who are working out, and walks back into the locker room with said guys. That was an awkward conversation to have with her parents later that week.

30. Caught on camera: someone stealing from a food drive.

University dorm 24-hour help desk: saw a huge black lady walk past a bunch of bins full of donations for a food drive, then double-back to it, stole a huge bulk box full of Kool-Aid and hobbled as quickly as she could out the door. It was one of the most stereotypical things I’ve ever witnessed, Internet or otherwise. My boss wouldn’t let me copy the video; if so I would have whored it for Internet points years ago.

31. Big foot caught on camera.

I was a guard years ago when I saw what looked like a Bigfoot going through a trash dumpster. I was afraid to report it at first till I re watched the video. In the next month 3 other guards saw the Bigfoot on camera. The sightings stopped when a guy was arrested about 4 blocks away for scaring people in a Gorilla suit. It’s a shame we really thought we had something.

32. Con artist caught on camera.

10 years ago I worked in liability insurance. Some of our clients were shopping centers and one security video stands out in my memory. This man walking with his elderly mother, the footage shows him push her to the ground (she sustained multiple fractures from the push/fall). As randoms come to her assistance he stands there yelling. Through witnesses he was apparently yelling about the footpath causing the fall and how he was going to sue for millions yada yada yada. Super huge asshole and obviously got nothing. The poor Mum though.

33. A vomiting man.

I work in a bar. I was watching a tape one day to follow up with cops about a fight from the night before.

I end up watching a tape with a guy walking and talking on his cell phone. He’s about 20 feet from the door when he projectile vomits in full stride, all while his cell phone is still up to his ear. Seeming as if he doesn’t even miss a beat in the conversation. Vomits one more time just short of a garbage can, still with his phone up to his ear. Then as he reaches the garbage can, he puts his phone down, spits, and then puts the phone up to his ear and walks out.

Apparently he didn’t want the other end to hear him spit.

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