Ok so we didn’t date. Or even really hook up in the traditional sense of that word. Or in any sense of that word. But you held my hands, and gave me hickies* on my neck–a purported joke– and you cuddled with me, and kept my hands warm, and teased me, and showed me cat videos, and if that isn’t relationship-y I don’t know what is.

You also have bitten me, and have had slapping contests with me, and constantly steal and hide my belongings, but let’s not dwell.

You were shitty to me. You still are shitty to me. You’re arrogant and aloof and then teasing and adorable. I’d love to say that I have no clue how you do it, but I do you. You challenge me. You keep me on my toes.

At least that’s the romantic way of saying it.

And once I discovered that you were just “harmlessly” flirting with me for sport, that you had ZERO intention of following up on those spooning sessions, I came to all my female friends (all two of them) and said “I should have known. He wasn’t ever treating me well, was he?” And they were like DUUUHHHH.

But the thing is, I said the right words, pretending like I won’t make the same mistake again. But I will. I will be drawn in by a guy with looks just a bit out of my league who treats me kinda poorly and strings me along but I’m also the center of his world and t and I convince myself that it’s all out of his own insecurity and that I can totally take the teasing and that it has no long lasting effects.

And in the meantime, you can continue to dazzle and entertain me and hold my attention like no one else. Even though I know on every single level that we are and always will be just friends.

I just can’t wait til I fall for the nice guy. I’m just terrified I’ll be too bored by him. More likely, I’ll never even notice he’s there.

Cause I’ll be busy laughing with you.

*If anyone knows the real spelling of this word, come forward. You’re the hero we need.