34 Things Bros Like

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k8craCGpgs&w=584&h=390]

1. Boats — any kind of boat.

2. Being heterosexual. Or acting as such, for all the gay bros of the world.

3. Popping their collars, and sometimes wearing two to three polo’s with all three collars popped. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to 2003!

4. Axe body spray.

5. Working out and going to the gym. Gotta keep that bro-body in shape.

6. Screaming loudly. Also, extreme emotional investment in team sports, whether they are playing or merely watching from afar.

7. Quoting movies.

8. Calling other people “bro,” whether they are a member of the tribe or not.

9. Going out on weekends in giant packs of bros, each of them wearing the jeans-and-untucked-striped-shirt bro-fit.

10. Using dated phrases like “it’s all gravy.” I don’t understand?

11. Just bro-ing out with their bros, talking about how schweet their their game is with chicks.

12. GRILLING.

13. Wearing white socks with velcro sandals out in society.

14. Dubstep. Why else did people start calling American dubstep “brostep”?

15. Fist pumping to the aforementioned music.

16. Straight up macking on hot chicks with pick-up lines they read on http://www.lame.com

17. Having tried at least once (unsuccessfully?) to suck their own D, never admitting to this publicly.

18. Wearing collared shirts on the weekend, progressively undoing more buttons as the night goes on once the sauce kicks in!

19. Bro chants.

20. Hats work incorrectly — backwards, off to the side, stashed away in back pockets.

21. Driving around town with the windows down blasting dat hip-hop.

22. Any beer that can be bought in 30 packs.

23. And speaking of beer, any external devices that facilitate the drinking of beer — hats, pipes, etc.

24. BEER PONG.

25. Finance bros like business cards, cocaine and bottle service.

26. Startup bros enjoy technology and are like so chill but also really wound-up.

27. Hipster bros like liberal arts colleges, PBR and community activism.

28. Doing super homoerotic stuff in the comfort and safety of other bros and then being like “LOLOLOL OMG NO HOMO NO HOMO.”

29. Frat bros love video games and asserting their heterosexuality by having posters of butt-ass nekid women in their rooms.

30. Muscle bros get off on hitting up the gym and downing that whey protein.

31. Naming their friends things that begin with “the.” E.g.: The ______ -ator.

32. Getting drunk and singing loudly to 80s music. DONT STOP. BELEVING!

33. Wet t-shirt contests.

34. Getting drunk and tying their neckties around their heads.