I know it’s wrong. I’m not here to defend myself or anything. I’m not going to give you reasons why it’s okay, or use my right as a woman to sleep with whom I want against any opposition to my situation, because I know that it’s an unfair advantage. But I didn’t start it.

I knew my performance was lagging. I wasn’t meeting my monthly numbers (I work in a sales kind of position) and I knew my employment was a ticking time bomb.

My boss and I always had this kind of tension. Flirtatious but never crossing any lines, not initially at least. It started when he sat me down to tell me that if I didn’t work on my numbers, I wouldn’t be able to stay in the position I have. This wasn’t surprising. But what was surprising was when he said he wanted to take a few of us out for drinks, a happy hour kind of thing. It was me and the three other sales people that work under him. He did indeed treat us all to drinks, we had a great time, but we then went our separate ways for the evening.

Well, they did. My boss and I waited around, had a few more drinks, and he offered to walk me home. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I live in an urban area, I’m a woman, I don’t mind some protection now and again, especially when I’m inebriated.
But anyway, long story short, we got back to my apartment and as I was taking my keys out to unlock the door he came up next to me, I looked up, and he kissed me. It was quick at first, and he pulled back to see if I was opposed. I wasn’t. It carried on like that until the morning when I woke up next to him panicking because, oh, I don’t know, I had sex with my boss. He laughed about it nonchalantly, and we went about our lives. He didn’t call or text me outside of work or anything like that. But the sex didn’t end.

At the end of the month, I didn’t reach my numbers, nor did my one coworker. He was let go. I wasn’t.

This has been going on for months, and I realize that I don’t even want to do it anymore, but as long as I can keep my job, okay. I almost feel like because I’m pretty much not cut out for my position, I’ll get fired eventually anyway, so it will end sooner rather than later. But it hasn’t. And I’m not sure that it will.

This “Confessions Of Betrayal” post is brought to you by ABC’s Betrayal. Don’t miss the series premiere of Betrayal on Sunday, September 29 at 10|9c on ABC.

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