21 Genius Larry David-isms For Dealing With People

"Two years, you're still getting sorries? I don't think so, that's a long time for sorries. That's like saying Happy New Year in October. "

By Lance Pauker

Updated 11 years ago, September 13, 2013

1. The Birthday Cutoff

“There’s gotta be a time, there’s gotta be a cutoff point where you can’t have birthday parties. You’re so desperate for a party that you have to have a party two weeks after? Wait till next year, you missed it!”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mucLKYobmkQ&w=584&h=390]

2. The Sorry Window

“Two years, you’re still getting sorries? I don’t think so, that’s a long time for sorries. That’s like saying Happy New Year in October.”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHSIYGP0l_w&w=584&h=390]

3. The Five Second Rule

“She went over the appropriate amount of time I could have human contact without getting aroused…I only have five seconds, after that it’s out of my control.”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UW7s6ynwlpY&w=584&h=390]

4. The Stop And Chat

“He wanted a stop and chat with me, and I don’t know him well enough for a stop and chat!”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxorHc_-Gew&w=584&h=390]

5. The Non Recommend-Recommend

“When I called you I told that he asked me to recommend him so I’m “recommending” him. I put quotes around it…I thought you would pick up that it was a non-recommend recommend!”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkmrDvKPdps&w=584&h=390]

6. The Adult Critique

“I didn’t piss on the buds…I helped the buds grow. I’m good for the buds.”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkmrDvKPdps&w=584&h=390]

7. Coach-ey in First Class

“Just cause I’m sitting but there you’re making a generalization about me…I’m not a first class person, I’m coachy!”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeIKMAdZ9bY&w=584&h=390]

8. Waiting Room Policies

“What is it like a bakery? You pick a number and the first number goes?…why even give out appointments, for this policy you don’t even need appointments!”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIVYdd60eNs&w=584&h=390]

9. The Glass Clutch

“When I’m in social situations I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure, and I don’t have to shake hands.”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knjBmIo36X4&w=584&h=390]

10. The Air Condition Compromise

“I wanna sleep in 68 degree temperature, she wants 75, let’s compromise at 72!”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_snOFvMX718&w=584&h=390]

11. Elevator Etiquette

“I didn’t mean to waste twelve seconds of your precious time…I decided to go to someplace else, I didn’t realize it was illegal in your world!”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxadhjsy1UI&w=584&h=390]

12. The Bluetooth Fakeout

“So I’m on the 14th hole, ok Lloyd, he’s got these great Cuban cigars…”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0uTi2qkgf0&w=584&h=390]

13. Elevating Small Talk To Medium Talk

“I’m trying to elevate small-talk to medium talk.”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOVWS7r9ADY&w=584&h=390]

14. The Chat And Cut

“She’s feigning familiarity with someone she vaguely knows for the sole purpose of cutting in line.”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77bW1aMAkhs&w=584&h=390]

15. Tip Coordinating

“You don’t believe in tip-coordination? Is that it.”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twnEWSfDjFY&w=584&h=390]

16. The “What” In No Matter What

“You said no matter what…this is the ‘what!'”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCX_TcKDr4w&w=584&h=390]

17. Anonymous Donations

“Nobody told me that I can be anonymous and tell people. I would’ve taken that option. You can’t have it halfway…you’re either anonymous, or you’re not! What is it!”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqncCjxGqGw&w=584&h=390]