10 Signs You’re Actually Making Progress In Life, Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like You Are
Best-selling author Brianna Wiest shows how the smallest parts of our daily lives can be signs of meaningful progress, even when we feel like we’re not moving forward. Brianna is the author of The Mountain Is You and The Pivot Year.
Even here, even now — you are growing.
I know it seems like the only way to measure your progress is by timing, milestones, and goals reached, but in reality, progress is more about how we get into alignment with what we need and want, and less about how perfectly we paint the outward picture of what we think we’re supposed to be.
This is why it is often the most counterintuitive times that provide us the most opportunity for growth.
Here are a few signs that you’re actually making incredible progress in life, even if it doesn’t feel like you are.
01. You’ve lost relationships
Maybe you look back and feel sad about everyone you’ve lost touch with. Maybe you reflect on all of your would-be relationships, and whether or not you tried hard enough. Maybe you think of all the friends and acquaintances that have crossed your path and regret not remaining closer. Maybe you look back at all the support you had, and wonder why you ever chose to move onto your own path.
Losing relationships is often a sign that we’re growing into the people we are supposed to be.
We aren’t meant to have the exact same circle of friends and acquaintances for the entirety of our lives. Unless those people grow in perfect congruence with us, we often step out of pace with them as they head down their own paths in life.
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s not a sign of failure. In fact, the willingness to let go of social comfort in order to pursue what feels more authentic to you is a sign of massive, incredible growth.
We don’t lose relationships because we’re not worthy of them, we lose them because we’re mismatched to them. That’s usually a good indicator that we’ve grown, we’ve changed, and we need to realign with people who understand who we’re becoming, not just who we’ve been.
02. You’re doubting your next step
If you’re not doubting your next step, it’s not the right step.
I know that seems wrong, as though the most correct thing would absolve any doubt, any fear or any worry from your mind. The more right it is, the more you’re going to have an unconscious, emotional, and often embodied reaction.
You’re scared because you care. You’re doubting because this actually means something to you. You’re nervous because it’s unfamiliar.
You’re finally choosing something you actually desire, you’re confronting the limiting beliefs that have held you back from it all this time, and you’re actually putting something on the line for once.
You’re no longer content to follow someone else’s success script. You’re no longer just passively floating through your existence. You’re making a choice, and that comes with discomfort, that comes with responsibility, and often, that comes with fear.
Too many people won’t leap because they’re afraid of that initial jolt, but they also never learn to spread their wings, and they never arrive anywhere else.
03. You feel slightly embarrassed of your past self
When you think back to who you were even just a year ago, you might cringe.
While this is an incredibly valid experience to have — and a common one at that — please know that it’s not a sign that you were an awful person before, but that you’re coming into greater self-awareness about who you do and do not want to be.
Please know that nobody is, or ever was, judging you as much as you are judging yourself right now.
In addition, this is a natural part of the process of positive disintegration. Your old self is no longer suited to manage the life you have today, and so they must transform into who you are becoming now.
04. You’re slowing down
Rather than rapid, intense acceleration, you’re interested in mindful, intentional decision making.
When we slow down, it’s because we’re no longer just running away from what’s wrong, but learning to step toward what’s right.
Maybe you realized that you needed a break.
Maybe you saw clearly that your workload was unsustainable.
Maybe you finally came to terms with the fact that you’ve been overextended and burnt out, and something had to give eventually.
Instead of trying to push through all of your body’s signals that you’re doing too much, growth is when we slow down and start to listen to what they’ve been trying to say all along.
In this stillness and rest, we often find answers we didn’t know we were asking for.
05. You’re starting to care more about how you feel as opposed to what other people think
You’re no longer content to live a life designed to appease everyone but yourself.
Sometimes, this can emerge as a sort of anger or aggression. You find yourself completely fed up with everyone’s judgements and shortcomings, and you might feel like you want to lash out or cut ties with those people so that you can relieve yourself from some of the pressure.
There are boundaries to be set here, and first and foremost, that begins with you.
You have to start by making decisions for your life, not your parent’s lives, not your friend’s lives, not your partner’s life, not your peers’ lives.
When you start stepping forward in your full truth, give people a chance to respond to you instead of just assuming how they’ll react.
You can make a call about your relationship from there.
If, on the other hand, you’re looking back on instances in which you didn’t set boundaries that you should have and are regretting your lack of self-respect, write it all down. Put it in a drawer and come back to it tomorrow. Is there anything there worth sharing with the people involved? Would it bring you peace to approach them and let them know how you feel, or would it just bring more stress?
That’s a decision you can make for yourself, but first, just know that it’s a great sign of growth that you’re actually angry enough to stop living by an invisible set of rules set forth by people who do not have to walk in your shoes.
06. You’re processing feelings you forgot about
Displaced emotions are feelings that either don’t have a discernible root, or seem like an overreaction given the situation.
Often, these feelings are actually related to something entirely different, and have been triggered by your current circumstances.
In the same way that your body sheds skin cells and excess waste each day, this is yet another way that your body releases memories and emotional responses from your tissues and cells.
This will probably be more pronounced if you have a history of suppressing the way you feel.
Either way, give yourself some grace, and some credit. You are doing a really good job sorting through some really heavy stuff.
07. You’re aware of what’s wrong, even if you don’t know what would be right
I know that it seems like your life should unfold from a place of revelation; that one day, you’ll wake up and have clarity about exactly what you want and when and where.
That’s almost never how it works.
Real change is almost always catalyzed not by a feeling of inspiration, but a feeling of discontent.
Before you’ll know what’s right, you’ll know what’s wrong.
This is the scariest part because without the answers, it seems like the questions are never-ending. It seems like you’re stuck. It seems like there’s no way out.
There is, you just haven’t thought of it yet.
This makes sense because you’ve also never come to terms fully with what’s really not working in your life.
When you have the courage to do one, you often find the other.
08. You’re experiencing serendipitous alignment
Even if you still feel completely stuck where you are right now, you’re still starting to connect the dots.
Perhaps an opportunity has arisen that you didn’t think would. Maybe you happen to meet the right person at the right time; maybe you see or hear something that you can’t help but attribute to being a “sign.” Maybe something comes together mysteriously well, even despite all of your doubts that it wouldn’t.
It doesn’t all have to be finished right now. The fact that a few pieces are coming together is enough.
What’s meant for you will come to you, and it will stay with you for as long as it needs to.
In this process, you’re starting to learn that part of building a life you really want isn’t just controlling the inputs and outcomes, but also surrendering to possibilities so good, you might not have thought to ask for them.
There’s often a plan greater than yours, but it’s not until we surrender that we truly understand the redirection.
09 . You’re more concerned with being happy than being successful
Whereas you were once mostly interested in earning more, or becoming more, or securing a better-sounding title, you find now that you’re trying to build your days around feeling better and enjoying as much as you can.
This is a tremendous sign of progress, though it might look on the surface as though you’re doing less and being less ambitious.
You’re becoming ambitious in the ways that truly matter — your heart, soul, and spirit.
What if your goal was to enjoy each day as much as you could?
To find one gem of gratitude?
To spend uninterrupted time with your loved ones?
To enjoy the fresh air?
To get a good night’s sleep?
What would it take for you to truly feel alive each day?
That’s the question you start asking yourself when you are genuinely making unprecedented progress.
10. You’re beginning to understand that there is no “finish line.”
If you’re like most people, you’ve probably lived the majority of your life waiting for the “next thing” so that you could finally be happy and free.
Growing up means you realize there is no finish line.
There is no point at which you just coast.
It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
Instead of arriving as fast as possible, you’re now interested in what would be most sustainable and meaningful long-term.
You’re never going to feel like you’ve “made it,” and guess what? You don’t want to. You don’t want the bar to end there. You don’t want to peak so soon.
There is no point after which all of your worries will dissolve and your life will become magically effortless and you’ll be happy forevermore.
There is only the ever-present now, and how we show up to it, and how we respond to it.
That’s all we can manage.
That’s all we can aspire to.
