You Need To Invest In Your Relationship Like It’s The Stock Market

This is not financial advice…

…but money and love (or at least marriage) have gone together since the beginning of time, and we’ve been honest and transparent about it since Jane Austen. Well, Celine Song apparently thinks so.

I’m not telling you to become a day trader, emotionally, anyway, because it’s not sustainable long-term, and the taxes are going to catch up with you. In relationship terms? Taxes mean players burn out. They get their comeuppance. We outgrow them, and feel sorry when they get left behind in the dust, with nothing to show for their “glory days” but an immature approach to life that they are way too old for and it shows. It really, really shows.

What I’m talking about is a long-term investment strategy. Like the unsolicited advice a beautiful older woman gave me at the cocktail bar in my neighborhood French bistro. “Leave it in there”, she told me, “it goes up over time.”

Any relationship will have its ups and downs, just like the stock market, but the goal is to commit to something with an upward trend over time. That means not letting the daily, weekly, or monthly dips scare us into losing hope and abandoning ship altogether.

You need to look at the long-term graph, and actually read it. If there was a downturn, what was happening at that time? People, like the economy, go through their fair share of stress, and we need the empathy to give them space to react realistically. No one is going to be in a good mood all of the time. Every day is not a win. We grow in spurts, hit plateaus, regress, and recalibrate all the time. Humans are just as prone to volatility. Look for the partner who knows how to bounce back alongside you.

But something doesn’t just grow out of nothing, either. You have to have something to invest. Your time, your love, your vulnerability, your empathy, creativity, thoughtfulness, self-awareness, and passion. These are things you need to earn and acquire, curate and cultivate before you invest them in a relationship, or can expect any return on that investment.

In a relationship you are your own capital, and that carries as much buying power as you have depth and capacity to love another person.

What you do with that capital and when matters. It’s never a bad idea to buy in over time. You’ll win during the highs, and try to minimize your losses during the lows. Conversely, if you only put effort into your relationship during the good times, you won’t see the same gains you will if you really buy in big time during the lows. That’s the gamble. That’s the game. Because that is when you’re needed most. When your emotional capital can make the biggest difference, can reach your partner in their time of need.

Sure, there will always be something out there you could sell for. Something newer and way riskier like crypto, or an IPO someone swears is going to make it big. Maybe you just follow what your parents have always done, opting for what is safe, what worked for other people. What you think you’re supposed to do. But it’s your life savings. Better to buy into the thing you believe in. What you think makes the world a better place.

Because that person? That’s the person you can’t live without. The person you would forever regret letting pass you by. The person you will check on every day, and commit to in the long run. The person you will rave about, even to a stranger in a bar, because you’ll swear they’re the reason your life has only improved over time.