The Disturbing Red Flags From “Ballerina Farm” That Will Help You Avoid Manipulators

The internet has been in an uproar ever since The Times covered Ballerina Farm more extensively, a story first covered in The New York Times, about a hugely popular influencer couple, including a Utah homemaker and mother of eight children, Hannah, who recently participated in a beauty pageant for married women shortly after giving birth. The article has since gone viral, and many have pointed out the red flags of how Hannah first met her billionaire husband (whose father owns several airlines) and seemed coerced to give up a potentially thriving career as a Julliard-trained ballerina in New York City to now enduring natural home births without any epidurals or pain relief and being “exhausted” and on bedrest from taking care of her eight children. Hannah says she has no nannies or outside help apart from some farm workers, a personal assistant, and a babysitter for weekly date nights. Here are some red flags the public has noticed from the story that may also help you avoid exploitative situations yourself: 

Hannah met her husband when she was 21 and she didn’t want to go on a date with him, so he manufactured a situation that essentially forced her to go on a date with him. According to her husband Daniel, Hannah did not want to go on a date with him after they first met through a mutual friend, and this refusal continued for six months. But Daniel pulled strings at the airline Jetblue (which his father owns) to get them seated next to each other on a flight when Hannah was going back to New York. After that, he wanted to get married within a few months despite her desire to wait a year before marriage so she could finish school. Although the public may not be able to speak to how personally harmful this was to Hannah as only she can speak to that herself, in general, it is a red flag to pursue someone so persistently after being rejected, especially after six months, and can be a sign of potential coercive control. Rushing and fast-forwarding into marriage is also typically a sign of love bombing (where a partner showers you with affection, attention, and constant attention, rushing the relationship to win you over), one that can lead to isolation and making decisions that don’t necessarily serve someone’s best interests but rather cater to the desires of the pursuer. When you are a young woman, you also tend to be quite susceptible to manipulative behaviors that can change your life-course trajectory at a vulnerable stage of life. 

Hannah endured the birth of eight children mostly without pain relief. The Times article tells us that the only time Hannah allowed herself pain relief during childbirth was when Daniel was “away,” and she tells the reporter while lowering her voice that she got an “epidural,” which was, as she called it, “an amazing experience.” Given that she has given birth to eight children, this is considerably worrying. While we may not be able to speak specifically on this particular couple since we don’t know for sure how Hannah’s agency has been affected in this relationship regarding pregnancy and childbirth, in general we have to be cautious about signs of reproductive coercion and control as it is a significant problem for women in relationships. If a partner is coercing you to become pregnant at a rate you’re not comfortable with, or trying to get you pregnant early on or in conditions you’re not comfortable with, this can be a potential red flag of coercive behavior down the line. Some partners will deliberately weaponize the exhaustion of pregnancy and childbirth to keep you under their control and compliant to them and their needs. When you’re too exhausted raising and birthing children, you’re also too exhausted to defend yourself and pursue other goals outside of the relationship and childrearing. 

Hannah did appear to give up her dream to fulfill Daniel’s. As Hannah says in the original Times article when asked if handling the farm with eight children was her dream, she says no, elaborating, “My goal was New York City. I left home at 17 and I was so excited to get there, I just loved that energy. And I was going to be a ballerina. I was a good ballerina…But I knew that when I started to have kids my life would start to look different.” Her husband, on the other hand, did say this was his dream and that he expected Hannah to be more at home with the kids. To add nuance to this conversation, Hannah does say that being with her children is satisfying and fulfilling, indicating that marriage and children would have been fulfilling for her as part of her dream too. However, it stands to reason that she likely did not expect to give up her dreams as a dancer entirely to fulfill these dreams. This holds an important lesson: never give up your dreams for a romantic partner or rush into marriage before you are ready – a healthy partner will usually cheer you on in fulfilling your dreams, and there will be a sense of reciprocity in the relationship in terms of cheering on each other’s personal goals. 

Hannah and her husband often go to more isolated places even when they are on vacation, and her husband’s gifts to her seem to remind her of her role as wife and mother rather than serve as displays of thoughtfulness regarding her true desires. While we cannot know for certain what goes on behind closed doors, further social media from the couple have raised suspicions among the public, as Hannah’s husband often convinces her to go to a more isolated location even when they are traveling to places like New York and Hawaii, and Hannah’s birthday gift consisted of a “egg apron” rather than a trip to Greece (which she wanted) despite having the financial means to give her this dream vacation. When Hannah looked slightly disappointed at the gift reveal, her husband can be heard behind the camera saying, “You’re welcome,” which some viewers found chilling. Readers of the article and many followers of Ballerina Farm find this suspicious because it seems to isolate Hannah from the outside world even on their travels, and the “egg apron” gift-giving video has since gone very viral as people issue warnings to stay away from partners who give you the wrong gift on purpose even when you have told them what you prefer.  

We may never know the full story of Ballerina Farm, or how much autonomy Hannah truly has, or whether she views herself as any kind of victim or a fulfilled mother and wife—or both. The reality is likely a lot more nuanced and complex. However, we can still generally notice the potential red flags of dating and love the public has pointed out—and use this discernment to guide young women into making decisions they deem healthiest and safest for themselves and with recognition to their own agency.