6 Jealousy Provoking Mind Games Narcissists and Psychopaths Play To Undermine You

In the research literature, narcissistic and psychopathic individuals attempt to provoke jealousy on purpose, primarily to gain power and control over their relationship partners. This is known as jealousy induction. Colloquially, it has been called romantic triangulation. In certain cases, narcissistic and psychopathic individuals may also try to provoke jealousy on purpose to exact revenge (especially if they felt jealous themselves in response to perceived competition), test the relationship or, if the narcissist is more of the vulnerable rather than grandiose subtype, compensate for low self-esteem. Here are six jealousy provoking mind games you may want to look out for, based on thousands of survivor accounts.

They flaunt giving something they know you desired to someone else.

One of the ways toxic people try to provoke jealousy in their partners is to take an inventory of your expressed desires. They may even purposely go out of their way to give someone they know has harmed you something you asked for. This is a deplorable tactic used to destabilize and punish you for “daring” to ask for more when you’ve already gone out of your way to provide for them and please them. These desires don’t have to be particularly demanding; sometimes they are the bare minimum, considering what you’ve given them. Perhaps you’ve told them you want a commitment, or more thoughtful gifts, or just some extra attention and affection – the same things you’ve probably already given them in spades. In the love bombing phase, these individuals may give you what you desire to keep you invested in the relationship, but in the devaluation phase of the relationship, narcissistic and psychopathic individuals will go out of their way to flaunt giving those very things you asked for to other people and ensure that you know this.

They constantly mention ex-partners or potential love prospects in excessive ways.

A major way you can tell if you’re in a relationship with a narcissistic person is how often they try to bring other people into the dynamic of your relationship. This is the date that brings up their exes and flirts with the waitress or pursues inappropriately close friendships with the opposite sex that they flaunt to try to make you jealous. They may constantly bring up other people to try to make you feel insecure, whether it be a shady friend, a co-worker, or a past lover.

They weaponize the traits of another person to try to point out perceived flaws or shortcomings in you, creating false equivalencies or fabricated flaws.

Narcissists and psychopaths love to brag about other people they’ve dated or people they associate with as a way to inflate their own self-image. They use these people as objects, and love to pit people against one another. One of the ways they can do this is by excessively talking about someone else’s achievements or qualities as a way to try to diminish you. For example, they may start talking about how their co-worker Amanda has long legs, or how their friend Jared gives the best hugs. They may talk about how their ex-partner became a doctor and flaunt this to their spouse, who they isolated from working. These comments and false equivalencies tend to be frequent and used to test your reactions. They may also start to neglect you while hyperfocusing on someone else, even after they’ve love bombed you ardently into the relationship. 

They attempt to “replace” you by treating someone else the way they treated you during the idealization phase, but ultimately fail.

Narcissists and psychopaths enjoy the idea that people are disposable and can be easily replaced. In reality, every individual is a unique human being who brings specific assets, skill sets, positive internal and external qualities, talents, and gifts to the table that cannot be replicated by another. You may notice a manipulative individual suddenly start doing the same exact favors they did for you for someone else or spending the same amount of time “grooming” someone else with love bombing as they did to you, in an attempt to make you feel replaceable. They might subject you to the silent treatment or suddenly withdraw and withhold their usual amount of affection and attention toward you, while giving someone else the “special treatment” they once treated you with, taking them out to the same restaurants or places, and attempting to recreate the same memories you two shared with another person. This is all very calculated and designed to harm you and make you feel small.

They manufacture fake scenarios or orchestrate “meetings” where they ensure you run into your “competition.”

Many survivors have noted that they have encountered situations with narcissistic partners where their toxic partners manufactured scenarios to make them jealous. This included things like sending them a fake text they pretended was meant for someone else just to stir jealousy, following shady people on social media and “subtly” pointing these out to the survivor, or even orchestrating meetings between the narcissist’s victim and their former exes or love interests in real-life settings, in a staged attempt to make victims jealous.

They love bomb you into going out to social outings and gatherings, only to neglect you and flirt with others in front of you.

Survivors of narcissists note a pattern of their narcissistic partners persuading them to go out on social outings, vacations, or gatherings together – only to be abandoned while their partners flirt and charm other people. For example, some survivors have been abandoned on vacation or dinner parties while their narcissistic partner blatantly and inappropriately flirted with other people in front of them. If you were in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s important to seek professional support to process your traumas and keep a lookout for red flags when you’re dating someone new. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship where you feel cherished and valued. | Shahida Arabi is a published researcher and the bestselling author of four books, translated in 16+ languages all over the world.