5 Things Psychopaths Say In Romantic Relationships – And What They Really Mean

Psychopathic individuals can take manipulation to a whole new level. Like narcissistic individuals, they lack empathy – but a key part of psychopathy is that they also lack remorse for their actions and lack a conscience. If they are the “primary” less anxious type of psychopath, they tend to have diminished sense of fear for consequences and a more sadistic urge to inflict pain on others. They gain a special thrill out of conning people, pulling the wool over their eyes, exploiting them for resources and setting them up for sabotage and destruction. Here are five phrases you may hear from a psychopathic individual, and what they really mean when it comes from them in the context of these destructive relationships.

Note that people who are not psychopathic can certainly say these phrases, but they will not have the same meaning. It’s not about the phrases, but rather the context they’re in. 

You’re my soulmate.

Translation: You’re my meal ticket. I need a place to live, funds to leech off of, an image to maintain as a good husband or wife, or a consistent fix of sex and ego strokes. In reality, I’ll be living a double life – one where I cheat on you with multiple partners, have other families, or gamble away our savings. You won’t find out until it’s too late. By then, I’ll be chasing the next best thing.

I am crazy about you. I can’t stop thinking about you.

Translation: Are you crazy about me yet? I can’t wait to drive you crazy. I’ll reel you in with flattery, praise, and constant contact. I’ll make you feel like you’re the only one I care about. When you’re fully invested, I’ll start to poke at you just for fun, and act innocent when called out. Maybe it’ll be an insulting comment, a prolonged silent treatment, or making you feel insecure by bringing up my other lovers. I’ll start to devalue you because love isn’t enough of a thrill for me. The truth is, I get easily bored and I need the stimulation. Your emotional reactions to my manipulation are a gold mine for me and my sadistic pleasure. It’s so thrilling to pull the wool over your eyes, set up scenarios where I can watch you struggle, and rig the game against you. I love to win, and in order for me to do that, you’ll have to lose.

I love you, you’re the best.

Translation: You’re a shiny object that’s providing immense value for me at the moment. Maybe I can use you as attractive arm candy to increase my own value in the eyes of other sexual partners. Perhaps you can help fund my new business, and once you have, I’ll be the greatest runner you’ve ever seen. Or maybe you’re my wife or husband, someone who keeps my image intact so others can be convinced of my normalcy – someone who raises my children so I don’t have to deal with those pesky kids. Once your perceived value runs out, be prepared to be devalued.

You’re being crazy, insane, and paranoid.

Translation: I didn’t expect you to catch on so quickly to what I’ve been doing behind your back. You’re interfering with my plans of being with another lover uninterrupted and it infuriates me. Or you’re expecting the commitment and the grand future I always promised you. How annoying for you to expect the very things I dangled like a carrot in front of you only so you could meet my needs first.

I would never lie to you.

Translation: I enjoy lying straight to your face and watching you be duped. Even when you catch me in my lies, I’ll still deny the sky is blue with my last living breath. But I just want to establish a preemptive defense and pretend I hate liars and immoral people. I’ll pretend to be one of the “good ones” so you think of me as your knight in shining armor. In reality, I am a wolf in sheep’s clothing and pathological lying is a special skill set of mine – and I evade accountability at all possible costs.

If you’ve been manipulated by a psychopathic or narcissistic individual, you’re not alone. You may wish to process your traumas with a mental health professional. You deserve to heal. | Shahida Arabi is a published researcher in narcissism and psychopathy and the bestselling author of four books, translated in 16+ languages all over the world.