Celebrating the ‘Epic Movie’ Anniversary With the Most Ridiculous Quotes From the Parody Film

The absurd parody Epic Movie, which paved the way for films like Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie, Vampires Suck, The Starving Games, and Superfast!, premiered in cinemas 17 years ago on January 26, 2007.  The film premiered to critical condemnation due to crudeness and idiocy yet went on to become a beloved piece of trash cinema. It’s one of the worst movies ever made, and that’s why we love it. It parodied then-contemporary hits like The Chronicles of Narnia, Harry Potter, X-Men, Snakes on a Plane, The Da Vinci Code, and many more. So, to celebrate the anniversary of the sometimes-painful-to-watch film from Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, let’s take a look at some of the craziest quotes from a movie that follows four orphans on an epic journey filled with spoofs. 

“What is this place? It looks like Catwoman’s litter box.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so weak when it comes to dairy products.”

“Gather round, children. Auntie Aslo is going to read you a bedtime story… from my favorite book, ‘The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.'”

“He went to the store to buy a loaf of bread. But little did he know, the store was possessed by the devil!”

“You are the weakest link. Goodbye!”

“It’s like a castle from those video games I played when I was a kid. You know, the ones where you’re a plumber and you save the princess.”

“I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore. Oh wait, wrong movie.”

“I’ll never let go, Jack. I’ll never let go… [drops him into the ocean]”

“I thought the point of this movie was to see some epicness. All I’ve seen is a bunch of junk.”

“You smell like a turd covered in burnt hair.”

“We are now in the beautiful land of Gnarnia.”

“I’m a peacock, you gotta let me fly!”

“I am Morpheus, the lord of dreams. But there is only one dream I cannot control: the dream of love.”

“That was awesome! It was like a magic trick, but with money instead of rabbits!”

“I am the White Bitch, and I can do whatever the f*** I want!”

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be misquoted and then used against you.”

“I am Captain Jack Swallows, the master of the seven seas… and everything that happens in ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ happens because of me!”

“Hey, look! A magical pantry! I wonder if it’s like ‘The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe’!”