15 Examples Of Toxic Femininity We Don’t Talk About Enough

1. “When are you having kids?” or “I just don’t see how you can be happy without kids.”

Basically anything that equates “femininity” or “being a woman” to “pop things out of your uterus.” The same way lots of toxic masculinity boils down to “men use their muscles.”

2. “I’m not like other girls.”

3. The idea that we need to play dumb/act weak or helpless to attract a man. It drives me crazy being told not to do things because: “You’ll scare the boys off.” It’s not a universal thing, but it’s so annoying when other women say shit like that.

4. Women judging other women for using different types of menstrual products. Women who use tampons often shit on women who prefer pads.

5. Women who get mad at other women for warning them that their man is cheating on them.

6. I recently learned about “Gold Star” lesbians, who’ve never had sexual contact with men, and discriminate against other lesbians who have.

Ain’t that some shit? Like, I’m sure many people who now identify as gay/lesbian went through a lot of experimentation before they figured out who they were. That’s not something to berate people over.

7. Women who make fun of other women in hopes it will make her attractive to men. I see it all the time on Twitter. Shit is mad stank coochie energy.

8. Women who make fun of you for having a flat chest, but call you a hoe when you have a larger chest. I’ve been on the receiving end of both types of comments.

9. “Real women have curves.”

10. Using their relationship status with you (mom, sister, grandma, and etc.) to control others lifestyle with the false appearance to be caring or helpful, usually conditioned with, “It’s for your own good” or “I know what’s best for you, because I’m your _____.”

11. From what I understand, toxic masculinity is when men practice objectively self-destructive behaviors (like alcoholism, avoiding medical treatment, violent criminal behavior, etc.) all for the sake of proving how “manly” they are.

The equivalent for women would be self-destructive behavior that’s connected to being seen as feminine. I guess some examples would be eating disorders (which are more common for women), excessive plastic surgery, large breast implants, or other body modification surgeries.

Women face more social pressure than men to have an attractive appearance, while men face more pressure to be “tough.” The self-destructive behaviors of both genders tend to reflect these pressures.

12. The idea that a woman should be let off for hurting her spouse since ‘men are stronger’ as if the definition of abuse changes depending on your gender.

13. Women who think other women that enjoy cooking, child rearing, and homemaking are perpetuating stereotyped gender roles enforced by the patriarchy.

Tearing other women down because what they enjoy doesn’t fit into the tiny box of what YOUR version of feminism should be is toxic femininity to the max.

14. The glorification of casual alcoholism (“binge drinking”) primarily amongst white middle-aged women.

15. Saying, “Breast is best.” Or: “Women who have C-sections aren’t real mothers.”